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4 Bumps

Am I overreacting?

Yesterday my daughters stepmom and I were to meet at a parent teacher conference. I arrived a few minutes early and found the stepmom and both teachers well into the conference. SM did catch me up on what had been discussed and we continued on to the next conference. I spoke with the ex this morning to explain that I was not happy with the way things went and suggested he and I go to the conferences in the future. The conversation turns to yelling (him) and crying (me). I get a follow up email from stepmom saying she hates to sound mean but doesn't like me "fussing" at her husband when he wasn't even there. Shouldn't I be the one that is mad?! Am I obligated to go to her with my concerns?

 
ConcernedMom141

Asked by ConcernedMom141 at 1:58 PM on Oct. 22, 2010 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Level 14 (1,456 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (18)
  • Out of respect, I think that she should have waited. If you both are involved in the child's life, you BOTH should be a part of the conference from start to finish.
    _Tam_

    Answer by _Tam_ at 1:55 PM on Oct. 23, 2010

  • I would be mad too. You can call the school. You are the birth parent. They should not have started without you. Let them know you were upset.
    mompam

    Answer by mompam at 2:02 PM on Oct. 22, 2010

  • I would let the teachers know at the beginning of every year that meetings with the parents should only begin when BOTH parties are there. Clearly your ex isn't going to help you out. So if you have an issue with his wife, you and her would probably do best sorting it out. I am a SM and can say I would never step on their moms toes like that. Even though I have the kids best interest at heart, their mom is their mom.
    luv2mum

    Answer by luv2mum at 2:03 PM on Oct. 22, 2010

  • Yes, you should go to her .. .why would the step mom be at you and your exhusbands childs conference? I would be mad that they ddin't wait for you -the teacher and the SM. I think you have every right to be upset.
    maxsmom11807

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 2:03 PM on Oct. 22, 2010

  • That would make me angry too! She should have said, "We need to wait until her mother arrives to start". I would definitely start talking to her and telling her your concerns. Your ex should not be sending her in his place without asking your first anyway!!!

    Good Luck!!!
    alyssamal

    Answer by alyssamal at 2:06 PM on Oct. 22, 2010

  • I think you have the right to be upset, I would be too! The step moom should have told the teachers to wait for you to get there! If I was a Step-mom that is what I would have done!
    Aricasue

    Answer by Aricasue at 2:10 PM on Oct. 22, 2010

  • Well, I am a stepmom and bio mom. So, with that being said, I just need more info. Were you late for the conference? Do you and step mom always attend these together? Why wasn't dad there?

    These situations are tough and I just want all the info before I give an opinion.
    sue118

    Answer by sue118 at 2:27 PM on Oct. 22, 2010

  • I think that she should have waited for you to show up. I would have voiced that to her at that time. Tell her since you are the mom she should wait for you to go. I now that she wants to be a part of the kids life but she knew you were coming. She could have waited. Just tell her you appreciate that she wait for you.
    momofangels5

    Answer by momofangels5 at 2:38 PM on Oct. 22, 2010

  • I would be sooo pissed!!!! Why on earth did they start that confrence not only early but without the MOTHER? I am with you on this one girl! infact I not only would be mad at the SM but at the teachers too. Who cares if they "filled you in" you should have been the one to experience the confrence first hand. Expecialy if you were on time. you are not overreacting on this one that was just flat out not right and if the SM knew you were going to be there she should have waited for you. I dont even know her and I am mad at her now!
    mommyof3COJ

    Answer by mommyof3COJ at 3:13 PM on Oct. 22, 2010

  • As a soon to be stepmom myself I know how difficult it is on both sides. I can honestly say out of respect for her I wouldn't have started without her. It just stung a bit and to know have them both angry at me just makes it more difficult. Thank you all for your answers.
    ConcernedMom141

    Comment by ConcernedMom141 (original poster) at 2:07 PM on Oct. 22, 2010

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