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My friend spanks her teen..should I tell her its wrong?

My friend has a 13 year old daughter who has gotten into a lot of trouble the past year. She has been feeling down so I try to lend a understanding ear. I just got off the phone with her. She told me she has started to spank her daughter because groundings etc were not effective. I don't know if this is the best approach. Should I talk to her or just leave it?I know she is not being abusive with it, so I am not sure if I should mind my own business or what.

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Asked by Anonymous at 1:54 PM on Oct. 29, 2008 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (22)
  • As long as you see no other sign of abuse, like marks on the child, then I would suggesst stay out. I don't know about where you live, but in mine it is legal to spank your child unless you leave a mark. You could, however, suggest different ways to discipline, since it sounds like she feels a little out of ideas right now.

    Answer by mamapotter at 2:04 PM on Oct. 29, 2008

  • Personally, I think it's none of your business. Parenting styles vary. Would youwant her telling you you should spank your kids? I got spanked. I even got spanked a couple days before I got married LOL( I was 16 and turned 17 the day before I got married) To each his own, if she's not being abusive with it, I say leave it alone. I don't plan on spanking my kids, but again, every one is entitled to parent thier children as they see fit. I think it would put undue stress on your relationship as friends. I know I HATE it when peeople try to tell me I am not parenting right (non vaxing, no CIO, co-sleeping, etc) So I think people should keep their opinions to themselves. Best of luck!

    Answer by navy-wife at 2:05 PM on Oct. 29, 2008

  • Let it be. This woman is trying her best to get a rebellious kid to listen to her. That is a good thing. Try to be supportive, she needs it.

    Answer by PamJM at 2:08 PM on Oct. 29, 2008

  • If your close to her its worth a try.Dont be suprised if she isnt hurt by your advice.To hit a teen she risk charges an being turned in by her own daughter,As a mother of 9 children trust me it has happened to many good people trying to raise kids right.When they become a teens I call it becomeing brain dead years. Its true your mind isnt fully developed untill age 25 yrs old.There is also proof that the brain makes up a diff mix between ages 12-21 so there really is no reasoning the right or wrong way with a teen..Because at this age they think an believe with all their little hearts they are right about every thing an no every thing.SO if you cant talk to them on a level they trust an want to please you.Chances are no matter how much you spank them ground them they will find a way to do as they please.Its a very trying time for every one even the teen ager.Keep in mind believes they are

    Answer by fearful5 at 2:18 PM on Oct. 29, 2008

  • I'd call that almost child abuse? Wtf. You do NOT spank 13 year olds. That's just wrong. If someone saw her doing that in public they'd probably flip out and call someone.

    Answer by lillie023 at 2:22 PM on Oct. 29, 2008

  • I wouldn't do anything unless you are seeing signs of abuse
    If need be I'd give my almost 17 year old a good swat if I thought she needed it...
    Thank goodness we don't have to go there ever but if she did...I would.

    Answer by mamakirs at 2:31 PM on Oct. 29, 2008

  • Oh, boy..I remember I got the broom stick when I got caught ditching school in the eight grade. I was scared of my mom. Encourage her with other alternatives. Take ALL her stuff away make her earn it back.

    Answer by JCRestoredme at 2:49 PM on Oct. 29, 2008

  • I would not say anything. I think a good spanking is good sometimes know matter the age. I have gotten in my teens face for bad mouthing in church. I got in her face in frount of the pastor to let her know that what she was saying would stop and I don't care where I have to tell her to keep her in check.

    Answer by cloverlady2008 at 2:51 PM on Oct. 29, 2008

  • I don't know about everyone's state, but thou spanking isn't illegal in MI a child ages 12-17 can contact police and charges can be filed on the parent(s)
    Talk to your friend... see what else she has done... removing personal items... maybe even talking to the child or sending the child to the school counselor... having that person talk to the child...
    Listen to your friend... be supportive, but just caution her when it comes to spanking her teen... thou back in the day, I too have had a few good ones as a teen...but the times have changed and kids know it too...

    Answer by gmasboy at 4:26 PM on Oct. 29, 2008

  • yeah it is always okay for a bigger person to hit a smaller person. Wow I applaud this parent. Tell her she is setting a wonderful example for her 13 year old.
    Honestly. I have three teenagers and I really would feel like a failure if I had to spank any of them. Talking may not always work, and yeah teens are difficult. However when you have a discussion it is going to be in their head, it will be in there and maybe next time they think about something they are doing it might come out.
    Distance your self or better yet, ask her how spanking is working out? How much longer will she be able to get away with the spankings.

    Answer by mmmegan38 at 4:53 PM on Oct. 29, 2008

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