Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

2 Bumps

how do i deal with the new stepmom?

My ex husband remarried almost 2 years ago and since that time, a working relationship went from being good to nonworkable. i am at a loss. The new stepmom forced my son to start calling her mom right after they were married and will get in my face with my son present and scream at me. she will call the school and have his school information sent to their house when i have physical custody . He goes to his dads on the weekends and there have been 3 times in the last 2 years where field trip notes were sent home on fridays and she would fill them out for her to go and not tell me. She will take all his homework for the next week and do it with him and not allow me to have the option. I have asked my ex to talk with her and he just laughs at me. I feel that she is trying to take over the mom role and im not happy with it. when i pick our son up she slams the door in my face. I dont know what to do.

Answer Question

Asked by snowlilly6 at 8:59 PM on Oct. 22, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 2 (7 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • oh hell no! this is a big problem.

    Answer by honey27 at 9:08 PM on Oct. 22, 2010

  • Talk to the school and say that she isn't allowed the right to his school information. That she cannot have any of his paperwork and only you can fill out the field trip slips. I would go back to court and talk this over with your lawyer.

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 9:08 PM on Oct. 22, 2010

  • Oh my gosh just reading about what's happening is enough to make me feel upset for you! I'm of no help, sorry, but if I were in that situation i'd be a complete 'b'. She sounds like a total witch. Like she actually makes your son call her mom?!? Is she f******* nuts? On one hand, it's better than her acting like she doesn't care about him and not doing anything for him, but she's taking it WAY too far. I hope someone else has some good advice for you because if I were in your shoes, I'd be talking to the child support people or something and seeing if I could get visitation cut down, way down.

    Answer by Nanixh at 9:09 PM on Oct. 22, 2010

  • Have you talked to the school about the school part of this? You should be able to make it so she can not call up their or go get him at all. The friday stuff is allmost imposible to deal with, unless you make it so you pick him up and bring him to their house. You might be able to prevent her from picking him up. You do not have to put up with her yelling at you. I would tell her to shut up and I would get my kid and leave. Or just turn around and walk away. There are ways of not having to deal with her. Make your ex drop the son off at home.

    Answer by louise2 at 9:10 PM on Oct. 22, 2010

  • i have tried to talk with the school but it always gets forgotten, as for my ex i have told him that he is to be the one to get our son from school and to get his information. he just laughs in my face. we are currently in a modification case, i have had custody of our son for 7 years, when he got married he filed for custody. before he was married, i had to beg him to take him for his visitation and to come to school events. i know that i cant keep him from seeing her since they are married but i dont feel like it is a good environment for him. im just lost as to how to handle it. it has went to court 3 times and the judge has denied the change of custody from me to him each time. it is now set for trial

    Comment by snowlilly6 (original poster) at 9:17 PM on Oct. 22, 2010

  • go back to court. talk to your lawyer or the judge. it has to be stopped. really i would seriously look into it.

    Answer by lambdarose at 9:19 PM on Oct. 22, 2010

  • Give the school a copy of your divorce decree. And in writing put that ALL notes are to go to your home. All things are to be sent to your home. Personally I would record all contact I had with the step mom. If she yells right in your face, record it. Check with law enforcement in your state if it is legal. It is legal in mine. As long as one person knows they are being taped it is all good. Use that tape in court. And move. If you have primary custody and you move....not much they can do from a distance.

    Answer by frogdawg at 9:23 PM on Oct. 22, 2010

  • go back to court asap!

    Answer by honey27 at 9:28 PM on Oct. 22, 2010

  • Get your divorce decree and have your lawyer write a letter to the school. It is against the law to give a child's information, even if its just teacher notes, to anyone but the cutodial parent. Let them know this. Do you know if she has a friend in the office? In our school system you can't call and get anything done. You have to show up in person and have ID. Will his teacher e-mail his home work for Friday to you or can you go pick it up or you pick him up and get it before you drop him off. About the rest, I don't know what to say, other than its wrong.

    Answer by cassey.e at 9:38 PM on Oct. 22, 2010

  • She shouldn't have told your son that he should call her "Mom." That's just not right. She's being pushy and bossy and it sounds like she is walking all over your son and your husband to get what she wants. She needs to be stopped, the sooner the better. It sounds like your ex-husband is afraid of her. Your son probably is too. Your son doesn't need this, he needs you, his real mother. It also sounds like she wants you out of the picture. Here's a thought, whenever you have to be near her, take someone else with you. That way, when you go to trial you will have the proof you need in order to get custody of your son. All you need is at least one witness to show what kind of person she really is. I do wish you the best of luck.

    Answer by amessageofhope at 12:39 AM on Oct. 23, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.