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I don't want to sound like a bad person...

But ever since getting pregnant, I have had my issues of whether or not I can do this whole mom thing or not. I honestly believed that I would have been with the father as in marrying him and all that. And with that situation, I'd be able to be a mommy. Well, relationship wise things just got "hard for him" and so he basically gave up. I decided to move away to where my parents live halfway across the country for guidance and support once the baby is born. I know for a fact, alone, my unborn baby's father would not be a good one, from what I've seen with his other son. But I am unsure if I am able to be a good enough single mom to my unborn son. I keep thinking of giving him up for adoption once he's born, but at the same time feel like a terrible person for thinking these things. I really don't know what to do. But there's no way I'd let him be with his father.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:31 PM on Oct. 29, 2008 in Adoption

This question is closed.
Answers (19)
  • I think you will feel empowered and freshly determined after you see that darling little one! All those fears will melt away and a love like none you have ever known will grab hold of your heart! It sounds like you have a support system in your parents. That will make a huge difference.
    joy2bamom

    Answer by joy2bamom at 9:14 PM on Oct. 30, 2008

  • I can't tell you what to do, all I can say is you shouldn't feel bad about thinking about adoption. Those that choose to give their babies up, do so out of LOVE, because they know it's what's best for their baby. That's what all GOOD mother attempt to do...they all attempt to do what is best for the baby.

    Just keep that in mind, and you'll make the right decisions for you and for your baby. Good Luck!!!
    SAHMinIL

    Answer by SAHMinIL at 2:35 PM on Oct. 29, 2008

  • Good for you for putting your child first and thinking of his needs before anyone else's. Only you can make the right decision for this child. No, you are not a horrible person for considering adoption. If that is the right choice, there are plenty of options. A family member maybe? Or an open adoption that allows you to be a part of your son's life? Take all of your options into consideration. Talk to your parents, talk to your family, but in the end, only you will know what is best.
    icook

    Answer by icook at 2:37 PM on Oct. 29, 2008

  • Just the fact that you are thinking about your child's well being before there born shows that you care for your child. It's scarey being a single mom, but its not impossible. You have already taken a big step by surrounding yourself with your family and this is good. Remember that there are scarey moments but there are also rewarding ones. On the other hand you are not a bad mom for considering adoption. Your actually being selfless by putting your child's interest first. Not many people do that. Your examining yourself at this time and that includes realizing your strenghts and weaknesses as a person. I pray that you make the best decision for you. Don't compromise yourself! If your willing to keep your baby then go for it and work with the support you have around you. If you choose to adoption, God won't look down on you. He loves you and will guide you to choose the right family. God bless
    CocoP

    Answer by CocoP at 2:40 PM on Oct. 29, 2008

  • Please do not feel like a horrible person for trying to decide what is best for your child. I did an in family adoption when I was 18 because I knew I was unable to care for my child and provide her with the kind of life she deserved. It was one of the hardest decisons I ever had to make but to this day do not regeret it. Do waht feels righ tfor you. Youare not wrong or eveil or bad for wanting to provide your child withthe bes tlife possible. If that life can not be provided by you let your baby be reaised by a family that can provide that life style. Ther are so many couples willing ot adopt, give one of them a chance to give your baby everything.
    tat2edmommyof2

    Answer by tat2edmommyof2 at 2:49 PM on Oct. 29, 2008

  • Dont feel bad about your thoughts.

    I think every pregnant woman gets to the point where they ask "Am I really able to be a mom?"... Everybody is afraid and scared when they first become a mother.

    The decision to give your baby up for adoption is really tough. You have to do a lot of thinking before you do such a thing. I'm not saying its a bad thing, but once you gave your child away, you wont have a chance to get your son back. You need to ask yourself if you can live with this "guilt". I heard it a lot that women feel guilty and bad after it was too late.
    But i still think adoption is a good way to provide a better living for your child if you are not able to provide that for your child.

    I hope you will find your answer soon. And no matter which way you choose, im sure you will do whats best for your son. Good luck. /hugs
    m.robertson811

    Answer by m.robertson811 at 2:52 PM on Oct. 29, 2008

  • You're not a bad person for thinking carefully about parenting - that's a sign of a good person!

    You have received encouragement from these ladies to carefully think through your options and they are absolutely right! Adoption is a great option when you are sure that what you have to offer your child would not be enough, and when you have really looked in to the impact of adoption on both the birth mother and adoptee sides of the triad. There is absolutely no doubt that there are loving families who are willing and able to care for a child - and that is a beautiful thing. I am an adult adoptee who was placed in a very loving home. I am also a birth mother who didn't take the advice that these ladies are offering and carefully consider my own parenting capacity. I was enough but didn't believe it. I have no bad feelings towards her adoptive parents but know that I wish I had made a different decision.
    PortAngeles1969

    Answer by PortAngeles1969 at 3:43 PM on Oct. 29, 2008

  • What you are feeling is completely normal. Please don't be frighten. Motherhood can be a wonderful experience.

    In adoption, there are no guarantees. Adoptive parents can have problems just like everyone else.

    Please do lots of research about adoption before you make your decision. Many birthparents regret placing their child in adoption.

    Foundatlast

    Answer by Foundatlast at 3:55 PM on Oct. 29, 2008

  • I, for one, appreciate that you are completely thinking this through. We have been considering adopting for awhile, but the more I read on these posts, the more unsure I am about the whole process - like someone is talking these birthmoms into relinquishing their babies against their will.
    You are NOT a horrible mom to be thinking about this, you are loving your baby the best you can. If your parents are there for you, can they help you with the baby? I think every mom hits a point in their pregnancy where they question themselves and don't think they are good enough. But, you are the only one that knows your story and what the is best choice for you and your baby.

    ***Thank you, tat2edmommyof2, for saying that you don't regret it. I was starting to be seriously concerned.
    christyg

    Answer by christyg at 4:20 PM on Oct. 29, 2008

  • Women don't choose adoption out of love, they do it despite love. They do so because they feel that at that time in their lives they are unable to parent. Saying a woman chooses adoption because of love implies that women who keep their babies don't love them and makes the adoptee feel like love = leaving. Don't let anyone imply that keeping your baby means you are not a good mother if you don't chose adoption or that you didn't do what's best for your baby.

    The truth is single moms can raise children by themselves. Being single is not a good reason to give your baby up. Adoptive couples are just as likely to divorce as anyone else. You can do it. You just need support. Don't make a permanant solution to a temporary problem
    onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 8:51 PM on Oct. 29, 2008

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