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worried

I need help about my 25 year old son. I am in the beginning stages of having a relationship with someone I really like. My 25 year old son makes snide remarks about him whenever I talk about my friend. My son watched me suffer through an abusive relationship. This is the first time in 7 years that there is someone I really like. My son doesn't know him. I have tried to get my son to stop with his comments so has his wife. I know my son is worried about me getting hurt. I tell him that he needs to back off but he is really protective. How can I get hire to understand?

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dragonlady44

Asked by dragonlady44 at 12:59 AM on Oct. 23, 2010 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 15 (2,303 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • He has to see for himself that it is not going to be hurful to you. You have tried to ask for his support. Now hopefully this guy proves your son wrong.
    tootoobusy

    Answer by tootoobusy at 7:06 AM on Oct. 23, 2010

  • I know this is hard but put on a kind of translator and hear the snark as him being protective,I am not saying he is correct to be making these comments but it will be less painful if you understand the reason behind these immature comments.You have his wife on your side and if this guy is all that you hope he is then it will fade..In a way we had something similar involving my 26 yr old son and 20 yr old daughter.She was a sr when she started dating her boy friend also a sr.My son was stationed in Anchorage then deployed and had never met the boyfriend.Nothing but snarky comments.When he came back he spent some time at home and 5 days at his sis college and met and spent time with boy friend...now he thinks he is a great guy...almost good enough for his little sister LOL.My daughter has never been in an abusive relationship.Just a immaturely shown protectiveness in both young men.

    drfink

    Answer by drfink at 2:56 PM on Oct. 23, 2010

  • it is a protectiveness issue. in my family my mom would have just smacked my brother upside the head....well she did. I was 13, brother was 18 when she started with my step dad. i'm now 26 and he's 31, we still make snarky comments. It's not right but its how we deal. He has his blinders on and can't see that you want and need to be happy. Regardless of the fact that your past relationship was abusive, if that was his father, he'll kind of always have a weird connectedness to him. its hard to explain. if you can ignore him and not give in to his remarks, he may stop just from being tired of being ignored. Or on the other hand, flip it around on him and confront him, ask flat out why he makes the remarks and confront everything he says and make him justify every SINGLE remark.
    HTMommy

    Answer by HTMommy at 9:59 PM on Oct. 23, 2010

  • it is time for your son and you sit down and talk and i mean really talk and listen to each other
    on one hand he is afraid to see you get hurt on other hand he can not let you go mom
    so invite your bf over with your son and his wife for dinner let him get to know him
    dutchcanadain

    Answer by dutchcanadain at 11:29 PM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • Your son loves you and wants to protect you, because he was hurt and he saw you hurt before. His comments are understandable but inappropriate. Tell him only to share comments in private, after he knows your friend a little, and not before. And tell him you'll always love him, but this is your life, and you're moving on.
    nonosays

    Answer by nonosays at 1:06 AM on Oct. 26, 2010

  • You said you are in the beginning stages of the relationship. . Your son is married and If it is beginning stages talk to your friends about it not your son. Wait and see if there is anything to your relationship if there is your son will see your happiness and see the guy treating you great. Give it time and also respect his opinion in the back of your head, Your son is a man who loves you and may have a man's intuition about this guy- You said your son doesn't know him. Has your son met him? Do you know the guy? How can you like him so much if he hasn't met your family?
    Wilma2

    Answer by Wilma2 at 5:04 AM on Oct. 28, 2010

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