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8 Bumps

Would this bother you?

My MIL and SIL live 3 1/2 hours away. They never come to visit and we are always the ones who visit them. Last week they called and told my husband they would be staying in a town 1 hour away from us and asked us to visit. Of course, we did. Well, we found out that they just didn't have anything better to do this weekend so they picked this town to stay in. Really? They couldn't drive 1 more hour so we wouldn't have to drag our kids out after my husband worked all night and day? I feel like we are the ones that are trying so hard to give our kids and their grandma a relationship. I feel that this is not my responsibility. I mean, I can only do so much and she has to maintain it, right? I want to give up and make her make a little effort. Would this be wrong?


Asked by theutilitarian at 2:54 AM on Oct. 23, 2010 in Relationships

Level 20 (8,842 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (14)
  • I'd be upset, too. But, I wouldn't worry about it. Since they don't want to make the effort to see you and your family, I'd try to stop worrying about it and ignore it. If they really want to see their grandkids, they'll make the full trip.

    Answer by _Tam_ at 12:46 AM on Oct. 24, 2010

  • Similar situation here. My dad lives an hour and a half away. We moved her to be close to family. He has driven up here once. We are always the ones driving down to visit him. We are spending money on gas, tolls, etc. You would think he would return the favor once or twice. It's not like we are going to be living here forever. We are moving far far away next year. A normal family would want to spend time together while we are here. This is an opportunity he has not snatched. Obviously he is under no obligation to come up here as I am under no obligation to drive a 10 year old car full of children to visit him. Ironically enough, my FIL has been up here 7 times and he lives 600 miles away.

    Answer by Izsarejman at 3:23 AM on Oct. 23, 2010

  • I don't think its wrong at all. I think you guys should take turns though. Why is an effort to see the kids? really? most grandparents would love to see their grandkids.. similar story though my sister never brings the kids over to see my dad but dad has to go see them.. simply because my sister resents my mother.. they also never leave the kids with my parents. yet they are willing to drive an extra 10 minutes from my dads house to see the brother in laws parents..
    i think you should chat to hubby and see what he thinks also and maybe just explain nicely it would be nice if she made an effort. it is hard driving 3 and half hours with kids.

    Answer by Weldo1983 at 2:58 AM on Oct. 23, 2010

  • Ha! that sounds familiar. MIL and FIL used to pull that crap all the time when we lived near them. We moved 2500 miles away so we did not have to bother any more.
    My MIL and FIL were also the type to not send gifts until they were at least2 years pas when they bought them, what kid was a gift that is for a baby when they are 10? Please, why even bother?
    What kind of family member would say "ever heard of a calling card" when we called them collect on Christmas so they could talk to their grandkids? (years ago but I still remember)

    Answer by Roadfamily6now at 2:59 AM on Oct. 23, 2010

  • does anyone ever speak about how they feel, time is so short to hold anger plus it brings more illnesses. we never now when is the last time we will see our loved ones. why not invite the in laws for a weekend. good luck.

    Answer by rosemary640 at 4:02 AM on Oct. 23, 2010

  • What I would do it tell them this time you guys need to come over here. The drive is too hard on the kids, they have things to do for school etc.

    I would NOT kill my-self trying to keep "kids and their grandma a relationship" if she is not trying to see them at their home than she does not care enough.

    Just remember is she is not a good grandma than she not a grandma. A friend could be a better grandparent.

    My in-laws did not respect me so they do not respect the my kids. But the kids are old enough to see who the are, thank god. I have cut them off.

    Answer by gammie at 10:06 AM on Oct. 23, 2010

  • If she wants to see the kids, have her come to you. It sounds to me like she has the time, but just doesn't want to do it.

    Answer by JessicaB86 at 12:47 PM on Oct. 23, 2010

  • not wrong but share the travelling

    Answer by san78 at 7:49 AM on Oct. 23, 2010

  • I agree that the traveling should be shared, however, I also think that you have spent so much time trying to make them happy by doing what they want, that they expect it from you. You need to sit down and talk to them about it. Let them know that the traveling is really hard for you guys and ask if they could come and visit you sometime. You would be surprised how many conflicts can be resolved if you just sit down and talk openly about it. They may not realize how much trouble it is for you travel so far.


    Answer by krissyvelazquez at 9:23 AM on Oct. 23, 2010

  • You don't want to get into that kind of war.....she probably doesn't even know it bothers you.......and you cannot change another person....but, you can say no.......if you don't want to drive an hour to visit with them, just tell her your husband needs to sleep, so you cannot make it, but they are more than welcome to come to your house.....if if makes her angry, you allow her to be angry, and know she will get over it......

    Answer by Anna92464 at 10:46 AM on Oct. 23, 2010