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2 Bumps

how can i convince him to ... well, grow up n be a man?

im a very traditional girl. we'v been together 2 years now and we have 1 child together. to me a man should be the main breadwinner (the woman can work too) and if he has a kid with a woman, he puts a ring on her finger too. he lost his job and we were forced to move in with my mother. its been nearly 6 months since he lost his job and he's taking his time to go get his ID so he can work. i have to ask him to do anything even then, its just to help with the baby. cuz he thinks putting in 1 load of laundry is a big help and huge deal. he doesnt clean he goes out when he wants and spends the night with his brother or sister cuz he "doesnt want to be in her house". he sleeps all day and makes up excuses for not cleaning. how can i get him to man up and atleast help around the house? tips , ideas, anything

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izzis_mommi

Asked by izzis_mommi at 3:13 AM on Oct. 23, 2010 in Relationships

Level 3 (26 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • I wouldn't want to marry him because he felt like it was the right thing to do. Is he interested in marriage . . eventually? Do you want to marry him? Your post doesn't sound like he qualifies as marriage material for you. Just some stuff to think about . .
    blessedwithree

    Answer by blessedwithree at 3:34 AM on Oct. 23, 2010

  • Tell him straight up he needs to step up or step out and really think long and hard on what he wants. Also explain to him that being in a relationship take two people to work at it and being parent took two to make you all parents and two of you to raise this child. Tell him to man up and help around the house and if you have to leave him a list of things that he needs to do on a daily basics and cross your fingers that he will get it and man up and be a father and working boyfriend/father. GL
    raemommy

    Answer by raemommy at 4:05 AM on Oct. 23, 2010

  • You have your mother's support. Put him to the road. You should have been traditional before you had a baby without a wedding. Now, get you act together for your baby and move on. You are doing the right thing giving your child a home and working a job. Give the child an opportunity to have a good role model of a stepfather and move on.
    This might be the wake up your baby father needs.
    tootoobusy

    Answer by tootoobusy at 7:10 AM on Oct. 23, 2010

  • to be honest i wouldnt want to marry someone like that! he just cant be bothered .. tell him to grow up and do something, you and your baby need him to be responsible and get a job and earn money
    san78

    Answer by san78 at 7:47 AM on Oct. 23, 2010

  • GOOD LUCK
    kileighsmommie

    Answer by kileighsmommie at 9:54 AM on Oct. 23, 2010

  • You cannot change another person....I think the answer is to either accept his disrespect and selfishness, or kick him to the curb.....and if you decide to break up with him.....be by yourself for a long time, get to know you....and if you enter another relationship, make sure the man has the qualities you are looking for ......people don't change unless THEY want to change.....
    Anna92464

    Answer by Anna92464 at 10:40 AM on Oct. 23, 2010

  • Exactly Anna92464.....
    you can never change someone. If this guy is so lazy and won't do anything, not get a job or an ID.....by the way, which ID is this?....well, DUMP HIM. You should be looking for commitment and intelligence in a man. A man who has some kind of ambtion, education and has goals in mind. Yikes....what is so appealing about this Dude? I hope it sn't "just sex"....sexy men with no smarts are bad news.
    kerp1960

    Answer by kerp1960 at 12:24 PM on Oct. 23, 2010

  • Im learning the hard way. been off and on with my bf for 3 years... we are expecting our first child together, I already have a 6 year old son. wouldnt even really get into playin with him at all. but now he is getting soo much better....he knows when im angry about something cause I start cleaning cleaning. lol... at first it didnt phase him. He would continue to be tunnel visioned in cartoons or video games.. blah.. but now ,we live with roomates and since they practically live like horders, he helps out SOOOOOO much more. hes 24 and still a really big kid and is stil extremly LAZY, BUT i will give him this much, he will take out the trash for me and change over the laundry :) something small means alot to me, not if only to get him to hang his clothes and put the rest away..
    mommyoftristan

    Answer by mommyoftristan at 2:15 PM on Oct. 23, 2010

  • Oh you do not want to marry a man like this...thank your lucky stars your not married and can walk away when you have had enough...I am old fashioned and did not live with my husband until we are married and he gets bent out of shape at the thought of lifting a finger and every winter he is laid off...I am dreading it already because all he does is sit in front of the TV! still never helps out, oh and he will go to the store for me but only because he is going out for a pack of smokes anyway...on weekends he goes to his beloved "shack" again another way of ditching his duties as a man...but I did not know he was this way before marriage and if I did know ahead of time I would have ran for the hills.
    wheresthewayout

    Answer by wheresthewayout at 6:13 PM on Oct. 23, 2010

  • I meant to say we did not live together until WE WERE married...sorry for the confusion
    wheresthewayout

    Answer by wheresthewayout at 6:15 PM on Oct. 23, 2010

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