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How messed up is this, honestly?

I had a baby August 8th. It was a planned home birth. My doula was visiting family 2 hours away, so I called her and gave her a heads up. I said "I'm pretty sure I'm in labor, so if you want to, you can start heading back and I"ll call you when I'm sure it's serious."

Two hours later she shows up at my house, without me calling her again. I was coming out of my bedroom to call the midwife to have her come over to see if it really was labor. There she was and she had brought her whole family. Here I am, having contractions in my living room and her husband comes in and is all "Hey! How are ya?!" Uncomfortable much!

As a doula, I would never DREAM of doing that. I would wait for the second call and I would definately not bring my husband and kids with me. She asked if they could stay, but I am not a no-person, I said yes even though I wanted them out :( I would never do that to a client!

Messed up or no?


Asked by Anonymous at 5:03 PM on Oct. 23, 2010 in Pregnancy

This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • How bizarre!! I can't imagine!!
    I can only wonder if she misunderstood over the phone or thought you guys were BFFs...

    I would suggest you say everything in her review, definitely--
    That's so crazy!

    Answer by doulala at 7:23 PM on Oct. 23, 2010

  • most truly messed up if that was me i would have made her leave on the spot. Very unproffesional

    Answer by Raven1969 at 5:05 PM on Oct. 23, 2010

  • Yep not the way it should have been at all.

    Answer by Melbornj at 5:07 PM on Oct. 23, 2010

  • The rest of the birth was totally fantastic, and I loved it, I wonder if I should tell her? She asked me to review her services and I knew I should have said something then. I dunno... we were trading services, so I wonder if she just felt more comfortable with me than she would with a paying client? Or maybe it was retribution? I arrived at her birth 30 minutes before she had her baby and I asked her what was feeling good. I guess that upset her while she was laboring, to have me asking a question (which I understand, being asked questions while you're trying to focus on labor is no fun, I definately learned something from that experience).

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 5:12 PM on Oct. 23, 2010

  • I'm sorry. VERY messed up. Why would the whole family want to come anyway. weird. I'm not a no-person either ,but i would of said something.

    Answer by Shines3 at 5:13 PM on Oct. 23, 2010

  • Shines, I locked myself in my bedroom with my husband and the doula was not invited lol. So it was kind of a no, but in a way that I didn't have to actually say it. She was relegated to caring for my daughter while I labored most of the time. I think she spent a total of, like, 5 minutes in the room with me before I gave birth, literally.

    The husband did eventually take the kids home and left the doula there, but I just could not believe my privacy was being invaded while I was laboring IN MY OWN HOME.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 5:16 PM on Oct. 23, 2010

  • Yes it was messed up and unprofessional. Work on saying no. I never say yes just to be nice.

    Answer by ambr2006 at 5:25 PM on Oct. 23, 2010

  • I'd say you were uncomfortable and no she should of not brought her family. I would of been honest with her and maybe her family could of went home.

    Answer by ladyambition at 5:31 PM on Oct. 23, 2010

  • Good for you.

    Answer by Shines3 at 5:32 PM on Oct. 23, 2010

  • Yes it is messed up...but when it comes to a profession training is everything and obviously she was well trained

    Answer by wheresthewayout at 5:36 PM on Oct. 23, 2010