Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

1 Bump

how does one survive infedility?

Answer Question

Asked by sueoct04 at 7:43 PM on Oct. 23, 2010 in Relationships

Level 2 (5 Credits)
Answers (15)
  • I don't know if I could. Lots of counseling

    Answer by MommySwiggles at 7:46 PM on Oct. 23, 2010

  • Infedility is something that is really hard to survive and overcome. It always seems impossible, and when you catch yourself not thinking about it, you start. It is an endless battle to the person hurting. My husband and I went through this. I didn't think I could get past it. I didn't think I could move on or trust him. He didn't sleep with anyone. He was emailing a girl he knew that he was stationed with and telling her that he loved her and that she was beautiful. In all honesty, I would have rather him slept with her then hear him say those words to someone else. I hated him for a while. But then I had someone I care about deeply tell me that if I want something badly enough, I will do anything to make it happen. She was right. I sat him down, yelled at him, slapped him, and put my heart on the table. I stood my ground, and after that, he changed completely. It is hard thing to overcome if you ever can.

    Answer by Jacobismommy at 7:52 PM on Oct. 23, 2010

  • I went through something similar to pp. Except it was an x and he would tell her how much he loved hr and how he wanted to be with her. It was a hard thing to deal with, but you need to talk to him and not hold any of your feelings back. When and if you decide you are going to forgive him, things have to start from point A. My SO has given me passwrods to everything, unlimited access to phone and texts, and he knows that there is trust that has to be rebuilt. When we decided to work o things, an agreement was made, and I would not throw the emails in his face everytime we got into a fight. It is working so far, but I am not gonna lie, it is something I think abut everyday, and something that I am not sure I will ever really be over it, but I am giving it a shot.

    Answer by ianconnor at 8:00 PM on Oct. 23, 2010

  • to Jacobismommy,
    you just made me cry... that was a very helpful answer. I have good days and really bad days when that's all I can think about...him with someone else. he took an oath to be faithful and broke. He claims that he hired the service but never went through with the act. I am having a very hard time believing that part...the lies are more hurtful than the act itself, I think...

    Comment by sueoct04 (original poster) at 8:00 PM on Oct. 23, 2010

  • to Ianconnor.
    thank you for the answer...
    he told me that the next time he goes on a trip I can go with him...but, I really don't want that. I don't want to have to watch someone 24/7 to know they are not cheating.
    I hate all the justifications for why it happened. I just want a plain apology...not "I am sorry, but we were having problems anyway"...
    am I making sense???

    Comment by sueoct04 (original poster) at 8:04 PM on Oct. 23, 2010

  • you are right...I am realizing that as hard as I am trying, I won't be able to...that is pretty sad.

    Comment by sueoct04 (original poster) at 8:06 PM on Oct. 23, 2010

  • it is most painful that it was not someone he met at work and fell in love with...I think that would have been less painful.
    It's someone he paid...probably did not even know her name...

    Comment by sueoct04 (original poster) at 8:08 PM on Oct. 23, 2010

  • first of all, i would be the opposite...i would MUCH rather it be someone he paid....but regardless, it's not something you ever get have to make the choice to deal with it and move on with your life. it can be done.

    Answer by LoriaAnn at 8:47 PM on Oct. 23, 2010

  • LoriaAnn, most people would agree with you...I also read the book "surviving infidelity"...I am not sure why I feel the opposite. I feel that I meant so little to him that did it with someone off the street...gosh, if you are going to cheat on me, do it with someone you care about...make it worthwhile. he detroyed my family and destroyed me over someone he didn't even know!!!???

    Comment by sueoct04 (original poster) at 9:05 PM on Oct. 23, 2010

  • I can agree with you, men don't care they think with their smaller muscle.. What are the consequences? How will my wife feel if she finds out , the kids, the family....everything get ruin just because he was stupid. Pull yourself up honey, if you love him try and work thru the issues, but this incident will always be in the back of your mind. I had someone tell me I put myself all the way on the back burner. Put you first, before him and show him what he will be missing if this should ever happen again....!

    Answer by needhearts at 11:01 PM on Oct. 23, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.