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4 Bumps

enough is enough. . .

Lately things have gotten pretty hairy around here. . . and by here I mean in my life/family. Specifically between me and DH. A little back ground. We are prior service, married for 8 years, known each other for 8 yrs as well. Virtually no courtship. Things were great. We love(d) one another. Have a beautiful child together (which came later in marriage just to clarify that our child is not the reason we married). But upon getting out of the service all hell broke loose and literally started falling apart. It seems I have been the only one trying to keep us Us. And as it has been nearly 2 years of struggled and constant fighting. . . I just don't want to anymore. Please Help and advice! I still love my Dh with all my heart. . . but I can't keep this up anymore. :(

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:33 PM on Oct. 23, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • The service changes people as I am sure you know. he needs to get help, esp with service related disabilites....too many friends of mine have suffered similarly and they are all receiving some sort of help with it bc its such an issue. even though you were both service, its not the same unless you were side by side and experienced the same thing ya know? Sometimes love isn't all you need, but sometimes its enough. Compassion, understanding, caring, and love are all factors but also getting help. maybe start over, go on a date, reconnect with eachother as individuals. See if you are still the people you were 8 years ago and if you aren't if you are the people you want to be with from now on. That is what will be the ultimate decision to make. is it worth it try and work it out?
    HTMommy

    Answer by HTMommy at 10:51 PM on Oct. 23, 2010

  • If there isn't any effort on his part. If he doesn't want to try or lacks the effort to try. Then there isn't anything that can be done. You can do counseling, you can do marriage retreats, you can do just about everything under the sun to try and save your marriage. However, if both parties aren't fully commited and putting in all efforts to save the marriage, then it won't be saved. Therefore, you have to step back for a minute and really take a look of reality at the marriage and him. Is there any effort, little effort, or no effort on his part to save the marriage? Has he already given up emotionally and mentally? Is there anything worth fighting for anymore outside of your love for him? Love is important, but it isn't the only part of a foundation in a marriage. If all the pieces are gone or broken then you've got nothing left to stand on, especially if one or more people have already taken a hike.
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 8:38 PM on Oct. 23, 2010

  • Get counseling.
    tootoobusy

    Answer by tootoobusy at 8:39 PM on Oct. 23, 2010

  • counseling..now.
    hobbitswife04

    Answer by hobbitswife04 at 9:00 PM on Oct. 23, 2010

  • this worries me a bit because we are also service but i think maybe he might just be going trought a mid life crisis maybe you sithim down and talk about it and maybe with family and or a professional counsular it helped me andmy hubby when we first married
    mama2jaybub

    Answer by mama2jaybub at 9:23 PM on Oct. 23, 2010

  • poster here. I try to be understanding due to I am sure much of the issues on his part are due to his service connected disabilities. At first I let this be a good and valid reason for how he was acting and all. But now . . . it doesn't seem valid anymore. I am not sure really if there is any part of him still trying. . . even if he claims there is. . . At this point I am too hurt, ashamed, and feeling like a failure to see a light at the end of the tunnel. Counseling might be a help, but on my part I don't think it would be much aid. I admit I am pig headed and have a hard time letting a "professional" take a look into our relationship when he/she is not part of it and thereby can't really relate to the truth of the matter. :( Do you really thing it is worth it?
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:59 PM on Oct. 23, 2010