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3 Bumps

my son has been caught stealing...husband and i disagree

about how to handle it. i am open to suggestions. dh needs to think about it. his first response was that he would deal with it. so, that won't work. my husband is highly opposed to taking my son back to the store to pay for what he took. dh really wants to believe he did not know he did anything wrong. but he knew. he may not understand how wrong.
have you faced this? i have read it is common. what did you do? what do you think you would do?


Asked by happy2bmom25 at 10:08 PM on Oct. 23, 2010 in Parenting Debate

Level 23 (17,322 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (21)
  • I am with everyone else take him back. I am guessing your husband is embarassed but it is a great way to teach him a valuable lesson.

    Answer by Melbornj at 10:23 PM on Oct. 23, 2010

  • How old is the child?

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 10:08 PM on Oct. 23, 2010

  • have the talk

    Answer by mekarevell at 10:10 PM on Oct. 23, 2010

  • personally i think the only thing that works is for someone who does anything wrong to be the one to take responsibility to make it yeah, i'd march him down there, take it back, apologize or pay for it.....i wouldn't scold...or make a point of talking about it constantly afterward....maybe a one-time conversation, yes....but i think rectifiying it is the best option all around...kind of like hands-on-learning.....

    Answer by FXmomTo3 at 10:12 PM on Oct. 23, 2010

  • At 5 I would take him and the object back to the store. He shold approach management and tell him what he did. The he has to choose to give the object back or buy it. If he buys it, you give him the money, then he dose a chore to earn the money.

    Answer by dancinintherain at 10:18 PM on Oct. 23, 2010

  • My oldest walked out of a convenience store once and snagged a candy off the shelf on the way out. I didn't notice til we got back in the truck, but i made him go back in, give it to the clerk and apologize for taking it. Then we had a discussion about why we don't take things without paying for them. He was about 3 at the time. Even though he doesn't understand the concept of money quite yet, he knows we have to buy things before we can leave the store with them!

    Answer by MommaTurbo at 10:22 PM on Oct. 23, 2010

  • Okay, 5, I would explain to him that just like he wouldn't want other people taking his things without asking, he can't do it to anyone else, even the store. Then I would call the store and arrange for him to bring it back and apologize.

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 10:13 PM on Oct. 23, 2010

  • If he's only 5, I would talk to the store manager and get a feel for his attitude. If he is understanding about a 5 year old doing this, and will let him know that if he want to come into his store he can't take things without paying for them, but won't just terrify him, it might be a good lesson in humility and taking responsibility. Five is a little young, he does need to know that the item has to be paid for, but I wouldn't let him keep the item, I'd make him donate maybe for a Christmas Angel gift, and I'd make him earn the money to pay for the item.

    Good Luck!

    Answer by ohwrite at 10:16 PM on Oct. 23, 2010

  • oh, 5? well, i think i would still have him take it back, but I might help him out with the apology a little more at that age.....

    Answer by FXmomTo3 at 10:16 PM on Oct. 23, 2010

  • Take him back to the store. Get the point across strongly now. My son did this when he was 6 and I talked to the manager. He made it real clear to my son that it was NOT okay. He also told him if he had been caught they would have called the police. I was okay that it scared him. He needed to be. At 6 I KNOW my child knew it was wrong. Your DH needs to understand if he just lets it go with a talk from Dad..he is in a way..condoning the behavior.

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 10:31 PM on Oct. 23, 2010