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How do I get my mother to keep her comments to herself?

I am 40 years old and still have to hear my mother's negativity all the time. This is probably the reason why I have NO self-esteem. Now she is starting on my 16 year old. I have told her to stop but she proceeds to point out every little flaw she can find.My daughter broke down in tears yesterday cause she loves her grandmother but she can't stand how she cuts on me and now her. What to do now since I've asked her to stop and she wont?

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Asked by anichols1 at 11:53 PM on Oct. 23, 2010 in Religion & Beliefs

Level 20 (10,058 Credits)
Answers (19)
  • This is going to sound horrid... But grow some balls... My mother is the SAME way! And I had to get to the point where when she started in on her crap I just told her to stop, and if she refused I told her to leave. I made it clear when my children were just born that these were my children and my choices were what they would be raised with. I told her (and her mother too) that if they couldn't keep their ideas and beliefs to themselves, they wouldn't be welcome around my kids... Plane as that... It may sound harsh, but I simply will not allow them to do to my children what they tried to do to me.

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 12:00 AM on Oct. 24, 2010

  • Tell her she either stops putting you both down all the time or you will not be talking to her. Let her know how the negativity is hurting you and your daughter. More than likely the only way you are going to get her to see how bad she stop talking to and visiting her for a few weeks after you have given her your warning. Maybe it will open her eyes. If not, the best thing to do is cut her out of your lives because it's going to give your daughter low self-esteem and will not help you boost yours any. Hope you are able to get her to come to her senses. Good luck

    Answer by TiredbutHappy1 at 12:03 AM on Oct. 24, 2010

  • You and your daughter need to ........ say..... "yes your right"....and then the woman cannot go any farther, seriously this works!! what is their to say after someone tells you that? so from now on just say "yes your right"

    Answer by wheresthewayout at 12:03 AM on Oct. 24, 2010

  • Remember this: Silence is golden but duct tape is silver. LOL!!! I'm sorry for what you are going through. Hugs, Mama!

    Answer by CAMKsMom at 12:04 AM on Oct. 24, 2010

  • Tell her to shut the hell up! I agree with the pp!

    Answer by MamaRoberts at 12:04 AM on Oct. 24, 2010

  • I'm so sorry you are going through these battles with you mother. I know it must be very hard for you to be put down infront of your children and see them put down too. Your mom possibly grew up being put down as well. Do you know if that was the case? Set healthy boundaries with your mom. There is nothing wrong with that. I had to set boundaries too. All I desired was peace and harmony, but in reality I know there were alot of struggles because of hidden pain she had. Emotional pain was under it all. Have you tried counseling with her? It is very hard I'm starting to remember when I would try to do nice things like buy flowers to brighten her day and taker her for errands, but she would just begin to push my buttons and argue and critize. I know what you are going through. :( I would suggest counseling. I will pray for you. Just love her.

    Answer by JCRestoredme at 12:50 AM on Oct. 24, 2010

  • I would tell her to stop or she wouldnt see me or my child anymore no one deserves that.

    Answer by LiLJeni at 4:48 AM on Oct. 24, 2010

  • Some people can't help being negative, with loved ones we have to take the good with the bad.

    Answer by older at 9:24 AM on Oct. 24, 2010

  • Cut her from your life to save your daughter. This does not need to go on any longer. Chances are she will not be able to stop the cuts. But you need to counter every negative immediately, even it you tell her no, that's not true, no, that's not how it is, no, you are wrong. Your daughter needs to learn to stand up for herself and say no as well.

    Family counselling is in order for your daughter and yourself.

    Good Luck.

    Answer by isabellalecour at 11:01 AM on Oct. 24, 2010

  • I cut ALL ties with my family for very similar reasons yrs ago... in fact I did not speak/see them in 3+ yrs
    I told them they were NOT allowed around me or my dd's until they all respected me and my dd's and
    my choices as to how I raised them....
    It took yrs before I spoke again with my mother and she never brings the past up and when my dh was diagnosed
    with Cancer in 02/05 and then in 08 all of a sudden they are always around and now my mother and sister are
    planning to move closer to me... (that idea still doesn't sit well with me), but as Sabrina says... grow some balls....
    and tell them to back off or stay away...

    Its' called "TOUGH LOVE" no matter the age...

    Answer by gmasboy at 12:21 PM on Oct. 24, 2010

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