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did i really choose my friend over my husband?

okay, so here's the story. my best friend used to live in the same town as me and dh BUT recently, she moved back to our home hour away :(. i don't get to hang out with her as often and when she invited me to go see paranormal activity 2 with her a few weeks ago, i was hesitant because i knew that my dh wanted to go see it too. but since me and dh hadn't set a time and date to go see it, i didn't think it would be a big deal to go with my friend. i thought that i would just see it with him also. i had every intention of telling him until the last second when i decided to lie ( i feel awful about it as is) and say we were seeing something else, because i knew he was gonna be all bummed and i didn't want to put him through that because all i wanted to do was hang out with my friend.
when i got home i felt so bad about lying, that i just confessed and he said he was really hurt :( (CONT)

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Asked by pmg1030 at 7:22 AM on Oct. 24, 2010 in Relationships

Level 14 (1,514 Credits)
Answers (5)
  • AND he said that he felt disrespected because i apparently knew how badly he wanted to see it and i chose my friend over my husband.

    i did not think about it like that at all because dh and i didn't have a set plan to go see it. and i know i shouldn't have lied and i never have before to dh and will never again lol i just didn't think it would be a serious matter like this. so how bout it girls....did i really choose my friend over my dh?

    Comment by pmg1030 (original poster) at 7:25 AM on Oct. 24, 2010

  • I don't think you chose your friend over your dh, but I do think you acted irresponsibly and chose instant gratification over waiting. I think a better way would have been to say to him - before the movie - "Honey, __ asked me to go on Friday to see Paranormal 2. I know we've been talking about maybe going, and I would love to still go see it with you. But would it bother you if I went to see it with her beforehand?" Then, if he said it would bother him (which would be sort of silly, unless you do this all the time), then tell your friend that you had already promised to see it with your dh first, but how about if you all see ___ instead (or go do ___ instead). If he said it didn't bother him - go with her, and don't say anything to ruin it it for him :-)

    I think he probably feels that since you lied, it wasn't about wanting to hang with her, but about not wanting to do it with him - so, if I were you, to fix it


    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 7:36 AM on Oct. 24, 2010

  • cont

    If I were you, to fix it, I would tell him that you were sorry that you made him feel like he was second to her (because whether that's what you meant or not, or even what you did or not, if that's how he feels, then that's how he feels, kwim?). Then tell him that the reason you didn't tell him what you were seeing wasn't because you were trying to choose her, but because you didn't want to ruin your movie date with him, but you also didn't want to miss an opportunity to visit with a friend you don't see very much. Then I would promise to not do that sort of thing again - basically making him feel "stood up" without talking to him first to see if he minds.

    I would then tell him that you would still really like to go with him (and set a time to do it), but you understand if now he would rather go with his buddies instead.


    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 7:40 AM on Oct. 24, 2010

  • I think you shouldn't have lied because it was a silly thing to lie about. It is just a movie, and DH is overreacting by saying you chose your friend over him. Let me repeat, IT WAS JUST A MOVIE. I can see him being a bit disappointed, and maybe you could have changed your plans for him, but it really isn't the betrayal he seems to be making it out to be. It isn't like you chose your friend to take your baby to his fist doc's appt. or went out with your friend on your anniversary, or spent DH's day off with her. Tell DH to lighten up and move on with life.

    Answer by CarriePM at 8:27 AM on Oct. 24, 2010

  • Agree wtih sailorwifenmom.

    Answer by rio_burb at 2:50 PM on Oct. 24, 2010

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