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some friendly advice would be apperciated!

My baby is 2 mos old. I am in the process of establishing cs as the father doesnt want anyhting do with the baby. I really want to tell his family about thier grandchild, as they do not know about me or thier grandchild. The live on the other side of the country. my question is how should I go about it in a letter. The father will deny everything I say as that is the kind man he is. the reason why I want my child to know his grandparent is bc my other child grandparets were murdered and I want my child to have an opportunity to know that side of his family even though his father denies him. please help what should I say or go about doing it? btw the dad just married and his wife doesnt know either. i've talked to my church and they say to do nothing


Asked by momof4303 at 7:35 AM on Oct. 24, 2010 in Relationships

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Answers (6)
  • cont

    ... give them the opportunity to be a part of his life if they choose, because, having lost your own parents, you understand the importance of family, and wouldn't want to deny them the opportunity to play a role in their grandson's life." I would include your name, phone number, and email if they choose to contact you, and I would also say something about how "you respect that this is a very delicate situation for them, so, unless they choose to respond, you won't be contacting them again."

    Send the letter registered mail so you know they get it, just in case they choose to not respond, so you don't start thinking "maybe they didn't get it" and contact them again.

    Then, hopefully, they will choose to be a part of his life. But if they don't, you will have to respect their choice.

    gl to you! (oh - once he has to pay cs his wife will know, so I'm sure they'll find out soon, too....)

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 7:55 AM on Oct. 24, 2010

  • First, I have to admit that I'm a little nervous to advise you to do something that your clergy advised you to not do (assuming that they are trained in counseling and know the bigger picture of your life and situation), but - if this is something that you are determined to do, here's how I would do it ---

    I would wait until you have the cs and paternity established. Then, I would send them a letter, including pictures of your baby and a copy of the paternity test (I'm assuming you're going to have one, if he is denying the child...) Then I would say in the letter something like "you understand that this puts them in a difficult position and that in a perfect world, their son would have made them aware of the child well before his birth, but since that isn't the case, you wanted to make them aware of their grandchild and give them the opportunity to get to be a part of his life if they choose, because,


    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 7:47 AM on Oct. 24, 2010

  • I like the PP said about waiting until you have PROOF he is the child's father. I personally would not believe some strange girl telling me my son had an affair adn a child with someone else while married with nothing showing paternity. Sorry. I would also only contact them the once and if there is no reply I would leave it alone. Good luck and I hope everything works out for you and your child.

    Answer by kjbennett26 at 8:16 AM on Oct. 24, 2010

  • sailorwife hit the nail on the head. But I also agree with kjbennet. If they do not reply, let it go.

    Answer by layh41407 at 8:36 AM on Oct. 24, 2010

  • I say do child support, and get a paternity test. Then talk to the grandparents.


    Answer by louise2 at 8:58 AM on Oct. 24, 2010

  • I agree with all of the above...establish both paternity and CS then contact grandparents ...if they do not reply then leave it be because you did everything you can.

    Answer by 4_28_bbboy at 2:00 PM on Oct. 24, 2010