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Helping my step-son deal with his bio mom cheating on her husband.

My step-sons mom has filed for divorce. He does not live with her and can't understand why she has a new boyfriend already when she just filed a week prior. This boyfriend now picks my step-son(16) up for the moms visits, and he has a daughter also. He has lived with his dad and I for 10 years and his mom has had 8 engagements and 1 new marriage that lasted 3 yrs. She has 5 children from different dads. She cheated on my husband and ended up with twins. So my step-son has seen a lot in his life and wants to feel his mom loves him before other men. She always makes promises she can't keep and tells the kids all about the new boyfriend and how great life is going to be now. My step-son does not want to hurt her by saying anything, and just wants her to be happy, in the meantime he suffers. It kills us to know he has this on his shoulders. He wants to believe his moms stories, and makes excuses for her. How can we help him?

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uthkuno

Asked by uthkuno at 12:46 PM on Oct. 24, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

Level 4 (43 Credits)
Answers (5)
  • Wow, thats such a hard thing to have to deal with. Im just going to say, just keep giving him a happy stable environment, which it sounds like youre donig. I really dont believe you can do much in this situation but that. Make sure he is loved by you and his dad. Good Luck and I'm sorry. Some mothers just were fit to be parents. Good Luck again.
    kiansmom0423

    Answer by kiansmom0423 at 12:49 PM on Oct. 24, 2010

  • Thanks, we try to be the parents he can look up to. It's just hard when you know he hurts. I don't understand how going from one man to another before your divorce is final and putting yourself first, is more rewarding than the walfare and emotional state of your kids. In the long run your kids are are what gives you a heart and a smile.....the rest in her case only gives her a 3 minute smile.
    uthkuno

    Comment by uthkuno (original poster) at 12:58 PM on Oct. 24, 2010

  • I agree with you! That's so much for a 16 year old to have to see and experience in his lifetime. He's old enough to see through his mother's broken promises somewhat but of course is still looking for her love and also being number one for her. The best thing that you can do is continue with what you're doing, giving him love and stability. He will really learn more what it takes to be a mother from you than from his own mother. Although he's making excuses for her, he really doesn't always believe his own excuses. His desire for having love from her is making him protective. Another important thing that you can do is not criticize her or even make comments to him about lhow she lets him down. He knows it and you know it but for him to feel that he has to keep protecting her is exausting and painful. Tread carefully in this area and one day he'll drop the defenses a bit and open his real feelings to you.
    AlisonAstair

    Answer by AlisonAstair at 12:59 PM on Oct. 24, 2010

  • I am posting on this cause when i was younger my mother did the same thing to me and my brothers i am 20 now and see that what she was doing was wrong and that the promises were just something to get her through the day. All u can really do is give him love and help him through it and talk to him and make sure that he knows that u and his father are there when he wants to talk about anything. It's sad knowing that there are kids out there that have to go through that just like i did and the feeling that it bring upon the child is not something a mother should put her child threw but its going to be a while before he realizes what is truly going on and when he does he will let her know how it has hurt him and he will deal with it his own way give him advise that he should talk to her cause untill then its not going to get easier
    Stl_mom_314

    Answer by Stl_mom_314 at 3:12 PM on Oct. 24, 2010

  • I agree with you to. I have never been in a situation like this myself and have nothing to compare it to. I would like to say I think as a kid going threw this it has changed his views on a lot of things. And that breaks my heart, to know at 16 it looks like he can't trust women. We do ask him to let his mom know how he feels...I think it's important that he have that open door to speak without being told to be quiet.
    uthkuno

    Comment by uthkuno (original poster) at 4:35 PM on Oct. 24, 2010

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