Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

4 Bumps

17yrs of marriage is over.............

My husband and i has been married for 17yrs..And now he wants to end it.. he say its because of what i did 6yrs ago, but i just caught him with another woman..let me correct that, a young lady that is young enough to be his daughter.. I believe he is using what i did to get out of the marriage to be with the young girl. If we delt with that 6yrs ago and went on with our life, why bring it up now? Do he think Iam stupid? But let me say this ladies, he is no angel himself. we both have faults in this marriage, starting with him first. At 38, do men go thru a midlife crisis..It's exciting to him now, but it will end.. There is not a lot of 23yrs old females out there that want a 38 yrs old man..But he said they are just friends..i asked him to let the friend go because she was causing problems between u. he said NO!!!!
GIVE ME UR TAKE ON THIS LADIES!!! AM I BEING SELFISH? SHOULD I JUST LET HIM GO, OR TRY TO SAVE MY MARRIAGE?

Answer Question
 
trishbattle

Asked by trishbattle at 1:15 PM on Oct. 24, 2010 in Relationships

Level 3 (17 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • If you think its worth working on then you need to do so. He should be able to have friends no matter what age but nothing more than friends! Good Luck.
    kiansmom0423

    Answer by kiansmom0423 at 1:24 PM on Oct. 24, 2010

  • Sad as it might be I would let him go. If you feel there is an affair going on or on the verge and he no longer loves you, then let it go. Talk to him and ask him how he feels about this girl and you.....
    older

    Answer by older at 1:26 PM on Oct. 24, 2010

  • That would be up to you, he has to be willing to work on the marriage as well it can't just be you making the effort. Maybe some time away from each other may help you both figure out where the marriage is going. I am sorry you are going through this wish you the best of luck whatever you decide to do. Hugs mama!
    LuvmyFam6

    Answer by LuvmyFam6 at 1:28 PM on Oct. 24, 2010

  • I would fight for what is mine. The trick to that is that you have to know how to fight. Part of it is showing him all your best wifely qualities on a very consistent basis. It means making home such an exciting and pleasant place to be that he won't want to be any where else or with anyone else. That means you will have to swallow your pride, at least temporarily, and show that little young lady what a real woman looks like via your husband, of course.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 1:29 PM on Oct. 24, 2010

  • My view based on what you shared. And that only.

    Is it possible that is still holds resentments & is being passive agressive due to the past? Yep, that could be a possibility and the root that his chioces are stemming from.

    You two may not have worked out everything as much or as well as you feel that you may have. There still very well maybe hurt, anger, resentments..etc.. still lingering and festering from whatever it was that has happened. Which will cause problems


    He may very well be receiving something from this friendship that he feels he is no longer receiving in his marriage. That could cause him to want to leave his marriage & be with this other person. Regardless of this other person's age. He feels he is getting something from her that he is no longer receving from you. That is what you need to find out. What is it that he is getting out of that relatoinship that he is no longer finding in his marriag
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 3:20 PM on Oct. 24, 2010

  • I agree that his dhoices could be stemmed from y'alls past. It's very common that after one has cheated, that the other seeks "revenge" or uses that situation as an excuse to do it themselves later on.
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 4:50 PM on Oct. 24, 2010

  • I have known many middle aged men who went through a midlife crisis. The thing is he does not know what a divorce will really costed him. Something in your marriage is broken. Right now it its Trust.
    depressedmom65

    Answer by depressedmom65 at 10:54 AM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • Thanks ladies, I really do appreciate the comments.. I have a lot to think about...
    trishbattle

    Comment by trishbattle (original poster) at 1:57 AM on Oct. 26, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN