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3 Bumps

How would you tactfully tell in laws they're effing crazy? LOL

SIL thought her house was going to be finished in time to have in law's family holiday dinners there this year, but it's not going to be. MIL and Grandma were recently discussing where else to have it since it won't be there. MIL and Grandma both live in apartments so that's a not go. My BIL's wife refuses to have it at her house because of the way one or two went down where MIL, SIL and other guests besides me didn't help her at all. I know they are hinting around wanting DH and I to host this year, but they're out of their minds if they think I'm doing every thing myself. We hosted one year and they pissed me off so bad I will never do that again. So if this was YOU, how would you tactfully say no?


Asked by Anonymous at 2:36 PM on Oct. 24, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • Is it that you truly mind having it there or you just truly mind having to do all the work? If it's just being stuck with all the work ( who WOULD want to do ALL the work?!) then if they bring it up say, "I wouldn't mind being the home to have it in, but I don't want to be the only person doing work. If everyone wants to bring a dish and we can all clean up afterward then sure, if not...we can have it somewhere else!"

    Answer by kamsmommy17 at 4:04 PM on Oct. 24, 2010

  • Straight and to the point....

    Answer by older at 2:39 PM on Oct. 24, 2010

  • Practice this in front of a mirror, "i wish I could, but I can't". And then just sit there and smile. If they try to egg you on, just say, the decision has already been made to not have it at my house, and look at your husband. Of course before this, tell him it's his job to back you up and explain to your family, for whatever reasons he figures out. When they ask why, divert the question to them. Say, I don't think your apartment is too small, I think we should have it there. Or, Oh I don't cook that well for large groups, you're so better at doing that than I am.

    Answer by SweetLuci at 2:46 PM on Oct. 24, 2010

  • I would either have husband take a stand in my honor or suggest a fabulous restaurant.

    Answer by dancinintherain at 3:07 PM on Oct. 24, 2010

  • Offer up a restaurant to go to. :)

    Answer by TwoBrownDogs at 2:39 PM on Oct. 24, 2010

  • Ask everyone to put in for a rented dining room, like at a nice hotel or somewhere. Everyone can bring something and help clean up, etc.

    Answer by LittleWeloosMom at 10:51 PM on Oct. 24, 2010

  • The next time it comes up in conversation, firmly state that u wouldn't mind having it at ur home, but u r not getting stuck doing all the cleaning, after you've done everything else! I had that same problem, and didn't want to affend anyone, until I got tired of being ran over! They will respect you, and you will feel better by standing your ground. What's the worst that could happen?

    Answer by janeedanswers at 3:00 PM on Oct. 24, 2010

  • id say i wasent up to doing much this year they will get the hint

    Answer by Kittty_Katt at 3:26 PM on Oct. 24, 2010

  • Well you could do what my sil did. She said "oh were gonna have thanksgiving at my house".. I said oh good what can I bring. Then she never did do it. She never mentioned it again. I was stuck doing it yet again. So I never even listen if someone else chirps up and states they are doing it. Ha ha.

    Answer by mmmegan38 at 5:42 PM on Oct. 24, 2010

  • OOPS...didn't realize it was anonymous. LOL. I wouldn't really mind them being at my house, but they are just really rude every time they come. Smoking on the porch blowing it on every one, getting smoke in my house, cigarette butts in the yard, not cooking what they say, showing up early/late not helping. They don't want to participate at all. I tried it at my house before and I was ready to cuss all of them. They showed up hours early griping that the food wasn't ready when THEY were early. It's not like they weren't asked to smoke elsewhere. I also had every thing planned and helped organize who was cooking what. They agreed but showed up empty handed. MIL and Grandma both smoke and won't go outside for the kid's sake even if they say beforehand that they will. If it were up to me, I'd skip it altogether. It's always a hectic, stressful day.

    Answer by Mrs.B3 at 5:55 PM on Oct. 24, 2010