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I need advice.

My husband tells me about 4 days ago that he cares for me and he loves me but he is not in love with me. He said it's not anything I have done, there is no one else involved and let's just take it one day at a time. Now I don't know how to act around him what i'm suppose to do what i'm suppose to say. Has this happened to anyone else and how did it end?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:02 PM on Oct. 24, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • doing whatever he does, just do it to enjoy his company.

    you always hear "once you get married, it goes downhill from there" this is only true if you LET it be true. throughout your marriage, yes you will go through hard times, be stressed, have arguments, disagree,ect. but if you keep up with the 'courting' and lavishing your husband with love, then the love will last.

    try this for a while. it won't be overnight, but it might just help your marriage out. do not act more different/ standoffish now that he's told you this. still love and appreciate him for not only what he does, but who he is.

    maybe you can recommend the 'Fireproof' book to him (that 40 day thing, idk what the actual name is...someone here will know though), or ask a very close friend to recommend it to him, the friend so you don't seem to be 'pushing'. men hate wives that push.

    hope i'm a bit of help to you. GB
    armywife43

    Answer by armywife43 at 4:26 PM on Oct. 24, 2010

  • Most everyone feels like this at times, but few are willing to just come out and say it. I would find out what makes him feel loved, and I would do and say the things that would make him want to love you back. There are all kinds of good books to help you if you need ideas for how to do this. You might start with THE FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES by Dr. Gary Chapman. It is a very eye-opening book and will help you with your marriage just now.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 4:05 PM on Oct. 24, 2010

  • Those feelings can be brought back, created, and continued on in a relationship. No matter how long the couple has been together. All it takes is BOTH partners, putting in the effort and the actions to do so.

    Sit down and the two of you talk. Talk about what and honestly/openly share what made each of you feel "in love" before. And then look see if those things are still being done in your relationship today. If not, then start working together to bring those things back, working together to show and create those loving feelings.
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 4:08 PM on Oct. 24, 2010

  • That is my relationship with my husband as well at this current moment...it is going to end in divorce in next 6-12 months most likely. It has torn us apart and all we do is fight now...we passed the point of no return. :(
    anikahaynes1

    Answer by anikahaynes1 at 4:05 PM on Oct. 24, 2010

  • From my experiences, and from the experiences of friends/family over the years.

    That whole "I love you but not in love with you thing" stems from no longer feeling those "in love" feelings that were once felt when a couple first got together. Those feelings are brought on by action. They don't just happen. When a couple first gets together, they actively work to make each other "fall in love and feel loved". That's how we convince someone we are "The One".. lol Sadly though, when couples are together for awhile. They make the mistake of assuming that those feelings will just keep on happening, even though they are no longer actively creating those feelings. It's are actions, how we look at one another, how we touch, how we play and flirt, how we interact that makes us feel "in love". Those things have to continue through the years (on BOTH spouses part) in order to keep those "in love" feelings continueing as well.
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 4:06 PM on Oct. 24, 2010

  • wallmart and dollartree
    letstalk747

    Answer by letstalk747 at 4:10 PM on Oct. 24, 2010

  • get out of it , down the road you will be glad you did , you say if any kids involved - that makes it alot harder of course.
    letstalk747

    Answer by letstalk747 at 4:12 PM on Oct. 24, 2010

  • Im not qualified to answer but if you love him, dont give up go to counseling, date him anything. My marriage is crumbling and I wish I would have had a chance to catch it....Maybe its too late maybe not, but you dont know till you look at it and TRY.
    okietutty

    Answer by okietutty at 4:19 PM on Oct. 24, 2010

  • you need to prize, cherish and enjoy him. your actions toward him may be just what your relationships need. maybe you've been busy with your life and kids, you just haven't really noticed difference in yourself and your actions toward him. prize him by writing little notes to him and leave it where he'll find them (sock drawer, lunch box, ect), when you go out to buy something, get something out of the ordinary for him that you know he likes. even if it's small, like m&m's or something, or make him his favorite desert, for no reason, plan date nights. so many ppl think the man should be doing this only, women are supposed to show love like this too!
    Cherish him. Give him a passionate kiss every day, listen to him, every time you catch his eye, wink or something.
    Enjoy him. you may not be into something he is. at least try. if he's watching the game, watch it with him anyway. if he likes walks, go with him. even if you hate
    armywife43

    Answer by armywife43 at 4:20 PM on Oct. 24, 2010

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