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How can this happen?

My husband just informed me that the loves me and cares for me but isn't in love with me anymore. He said it's not me that it's him. He said there is no one else involved. He said he has felt like this for about a month and he doesn't know why it changed.He has 2 children that I have been involved in their lives since they were 10 months and 4 yrs. and we also have a child that will be 2 in Jan. I haven't changed the way I am around him I still kiss him and hug him and do all that but he just doesn't want to talk to me. He says it hurts him to see my cry and hurting. I just don't understand what went wrong. Divorce is not an option but I don't know what to do. I love him with all my heart and I just want everything to be back to normal. He just tells me to relax let's take it one day at a time and give it some time.


Asked by Anonymous at 4:37 PM on Oct. 24, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (5)
  • This feeling doesn't just creep up in just a month. And quite honestly I feel this feeling comes and goes over the years of a marriage. I know it has for me and my dh and it was never spoken, and they were dark days. But then things go on the up-swing and you fall in love again. Once, a couple who had been married 60 years was asked how they managed to stay married so many years. The dh replied "We never fell out of love at the same time". I think you can work through this, just ask him to spend time with you, with no pressure. Let him know you love him, help him fall in love with you again!

    Answer by Austinsmom35 at 5:46 PM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • Trying counselling might be your best bet here. If he's willing to go I would give that a shot.


    Answer by tanya_marieh at 4:47 PM on Oct. 24, 2010

  • it doesnt sound to me like its the end...he is being honest that his feelings have changed, but you said divorce isnt an option. if he also feels that divorce isnt an option and you two are both committed to rekindling your love, then i think you'll be fine. be sure to set aside time for just the two of you and make a point to do NEW things together. also, do thinks on your own and let him catch a glimpse of the interesting you that he wanted to learn all about in the beginning. sometimes we get in a rut and just keep doing the same routine over and over instead of continuing to grow and develop as a person. take up a new hobby to make yourself feel better as well as change things up a bit to him....remember though, in the end, NOTHING you do can MAKE him love you if it isnt meant to be. i think you guys have a shot though, all relationships go through phases...he just happened to say it outloud.

    Answer by LoriaAnn at 4:52 PM on Oct. 24, 2010

  • I would definitely suggest counseling, with your minister if you go to church, if not a certified marriage counselor. One thing I will say, while I love my husband, I am not "in love" with him in the romantic movie sense. I view love as a choice and a commitment (probably why I haven't whacked him with a frying pan yet lol), not something that I am "in" and "out" of. But that's just me; your DH may not see things that way. Counseling does sound like a good option for you, though, especially as divorce is not.

    Answer by preacherskid at 4:56 PM on Oct. 24, 2010

  • yeah Marriage counseling might be your best option

    Answer by 4_28_bbboy at 5:19 PM on Oct. 24, 2010