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"You have no idea how bad I want to beat you senseless right now..." First time dealing with this situation, need advice no bashing please.

Fiancee and I got into a fight. Somewhere in the course of the argument I said this is ridiculous and you are really acting like a pansy about something so trivial and its a major turnoff... The look on his face really can't be described but he was pissed... So he says, "You have no idea how bad I want to beat you senseless right now..." and turns and leaves the house. That was this morning around 10. He hasn't been home sense and it was until not that he answere my call. He says he feels like a monster bc he really really wanted to hurt me for disrespecting him and that while he feels I stepped out of place I am the love of his life and he couldn't live with himself if he hurt me. Soooo I really don't know what to do to get him to come home and I am worried about him. I keep apologizing but he says thats not the problem, that he's the problem so he needs a few days... I think I may have just ruined us. How do I fix this?


Asked by Anonymous at 10:13 PM on Oct. 24, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • Oh and btw, while it's true that calling him a pansy will definitely piss a guy off or hurt his pride or whatever, that is no excuse for what he has going on in his mind. It would not be all right for him to call you a b*tch or a wh*** or worse and have you say that you'd want to be violent with him. Any man who would actually say something like that over being called a name has deeper issues to work on.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:30 PM on Oct. 24, 2010

  • you need to just give him space...guys dont like to talk like girls do...they want to cool off and then move on, you need to allow him to do that.

    Answer by anikahaynes1 at 10:17 PM on Oct. 24, 2010

  • My husband has gotten that mad before. Its best that he removed himself from the situation. My dh would never hurt me, and has never laid a finger on me, but sometimes people get so mad that the thought does cross their mind and the fight or flight reaction comes in. Give him a little space to cool off. He will come around. Hope all goes well for you.

    Answer by Lizzys_mommy13 at 10:17 PM on Oct. 24, 2010

  • People say things they don't mean when they're mad. What i would do is WORK on the situation, and be ADULTS about it. Not saying you're not, but saying times like these call for desperate measures. Go out of your way, to show him how much you appreciate him, and that you love him no matter what. Give him his space, but don't give him too much, if you know what I mean. Every couple needs there own space every now and then, it happens, we're all humans. In the mean time, work on yourself, and if you, personally, think you were in the wrong, maybe you should want to try and fix that problem (: I know I have plenty that I need to change about myself lol.

    make him a nice dinner too, that always helps....he's a man lol!

    Answer by knicole0708 at 10:17 PM on Oct. 24, 2010

  • I agree with pp. Give him the space he needs and when he is ready, you guys can talk it through. People get angry and say things in the moment that they don't always mean. Or he could have really felt that way, but at least he was man enough to walk away and not act on the feelings. When he is ready to talk, you can just let him know you trust him and that you two can work past this. GL

    Answer by CJM_SHM at 10:20 PM on Oct. 24, 2010

  • I agree, you need to leave him be for a while. It sounds like you probably pushed some buttons and he had the sense to walk out and cool off instead of getting physical, which is good, I'm glad it did not take that route for you, DV is an awful thing to go through.
    I would just cool it off for a while. Give him his space. If it's meant to be, he'll come around. And if he does, you guys need to figure out a healthier way to fight - counseling, etc.

    Answer by MommaofH2 at 10:20 PM on Oct. 24, 2010

  • I would say to take a deep breath and let him get his steam all out and if he really truly loves u like he says he will be back he is trying to get him self back

    Answer by nitamae86 at 10:20 PM on Oct. 24, 2010

  • Give it time...let him cool off and time to think. I wouldn't be haste to make a decison on anything. When he is ready you two should have a heartfelt conversation and lay everything out.

    Answer by siimply_me at 10:21 PM on Oct. 24, 2010

  • Never question a mans masculinity... that really hurts their pride.

    Answer by Blabbermouth at 10:21 PM on Oct. 24, 2010

  • I would say he needs to work on some things before he comes back and maybe he sees this. The thing that sticks out for me is he actually had the thought and then vocalized it. I have a hard time believing this is something that a man who is not an abuser, or a potential abuser would ever think much less say. I was in an abusive relationship years ago and believe me that is not something you want to go through. I think that while he is away you should take some time and figure out if this is really who you want to be with. Unfortunately, too often those guys don't change no matter how much they stay away or think or even how much therapy they get. And if it really is over, it is not you who did it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:27 PM on Oct. 24, 2010