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When is enough and when do you keep going?

My fiance and I just had a baby two and a half months ago. He works 6 days a week and I work 2 1/2 to 3 days a week. Our baby does not sleep well at night, so both of us are sleep deprived because he gets up with the baby just as much as I do. Before the baby came along our relationship was like any other, we got along almost always (with normal amounts of arguing like any other couple). Since the baby has been born, and we are both sleep deprived, and he works all the time, I hate the fact that I had to go back to work, we are struggling with bills, and so on..........we argue all the time. We argue so much that I told him I can't handle the stress and he needs to leave. Well, he finally did. I don't want my baby raised like this, but I don't want him raised in a broken family either. What is enough and what to do? I love him, and he truely loves me, but with all the stress we just don't know how to handle all of it.

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Logansmommy0810

Asked by Logansmommy0810 at 11:13 PM on Oct. 24, 2010 in Relationships

Level 5 (91 Credits)
Answers (4)
  • Those first few months are so stressful. My DS didn't sleep well either, and I was really sleep deprived and stressed about bf and trying to pump, etc. I deal with sleep deprivation a little better than my DH does though. He had a rough time with it. It will get better though. I hope you guys work it out.
    pam19

    Answer by pam19 at 11:18 PM on Oct. 24, 2010

  • have you tried to incorporate a sleeping pattern with bub? i know being young it may be hard but when he/she is tired and show any signs wrap them up and put them in bed. there are all sorts of techniques, you could use the cry it out one, rock to sleep or use a pacifier.. I couldnt handle the cry method it drove me nuts and the rocking, well she never fell asleep in my arms.. so the pacifier worked for me.. i know it has its flaws but it lets me sleep and hubby.

    remember baby might be going through growth spurts too which make them feed often and wake often.
    she/he may also be hot/cold/ wet/ hungry but i know you would know all this..
    maybe try and make the bedroom more calm and inviting and sing or read books to her/him. and as for the stress you need chill out.. try and meditate or listen to calming music.. babies sense stress and she may be feeding off that.. the more stressed you are the more unsettled they will b
    Weldo1983

    Answer by Weldo1983 at 11:20 PM on Oct. 24, 2010

  • Truthfully, that doesn't sound like a very stable relationship to me anyway. See, by not being married to you, yes, he has the freedom to just leave whenever he wants. Usually a marriage means a commitment to each other through good times and bad. You are married, thus, you are ready for the true commitment that a family brings. It sounds like you both need to grow up fast because now you brought a new life into this world, one that deserves a great life. What you described above, is not good. However, you both do need to realize that in order to raise a child you have to work, if it takes 24/7, so be it. If he can't understand that, than by all means, do not have any more children with this man. Go to an attorney and get something in writing so you can get some support from him before he takes off.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:22 PM on Oct. 24, 2010

  • it sounds to me like the two of you dont communicate well at all, that's the first thing you should work on. also, there should be a routine as far as who gets up with the baby and when. if he has to work the next day and you dont, then you should get up with the baby and try your best not to wake him (take the baby in another room, etc). if you both have to work the next day then take shifts...whoever worked less that day gets up with the baby anytime before 1am and the other gets up anytime afte...or if one of you works earlier than the other, then base it on that. its always going to be hard in the beginning so communication (about your needs and feelings) and compromise is key. in all honesty, you relationship will likely go through harder times than this...if you dont fix the issues in your relationship now you'll never make it work. good luck hun!
    LoriaAnn

    Answer by LoriaAnn at 11:33 PM on Oct. 24, 2010

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