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Does spanking prevent your kid from becoming a bully?

Someone on here told me that and I have to disagree, but was wondering what you all thought.

I got spanked when I was a kid and it didn't do anything (to me personally) other than sting a bit and make me be all the more careful about getting caught (and to fear/resent my parents a little).

Actually from what I've heard bullies are often physically abused at home and take it out on others (at school, etc). As such wouldn't spanking actually create a bully (or make it worse)?

 
Zoeyis

Asked by Zoeyis at 6:05 AM on Oct. 25, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 31 (46,808 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • I do not think that spanking creates bullies, I think it's the sense of entitlement that some kids have, as well as the "not my child" syndrome that some parents have. As a teacher, I call the parent of bullies all the time to let them know what their child is doing. Not once have I heard them say 'Oh, wow, I need to stop that.'
    Instead I hear
    "Well, what did the other child do to my child that my child felt the need to act that way"
    "Some one must have put him up to it"
    "Well, boys will be boys."
    "Who do you think you are, blaming my child for that"
    "You must be mistaken, my child wouldn't do that"
    Then, the next day, the kid comes in laughing that I called home and they didn't get any form of discipline at all.
    I'm not saying that they should be spanked, but something should have been done. Yet, all I get is someone even nastier because they know they got away with it.

    layh41407

    Answer by layh41407 at 6:36 AM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • I would say quite the opposite, spanking teaches it's ok to hit those that are smaller and lesser than you....this is a controversial topic, but i think the way you asked the question shouldn't get toooo many ill responses....i hope....to each their own on this issue, but i just think it's ridiculous that anyone would say it prevents bullying....
    FXmomTo3

    Answer by FXmomTo3 at 6:09 AM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • i have often found that the parents of bullies are bullies themselves (or just plain jerks). You can definitly see where it comes from.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:40 AM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • LOL......people never cease to amaze me sometimes ! my bet is her kids are afraid !
    FXmomTo3

    Answer by FXmomTo3 at 6:19 AM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • I do believe that there is a place for spanking or swatting the toosh, etc. but not 'abuse' of course. I think it's how it is administered too and what happens in anger before and or after. You can do as much if not more w/your mouth than w/spanking. Words can't be taken back and cause internal bruises and some... spankings can cause external and internal bruising if done too hard/etc. Then it's abuse
    cat4458

    Answer by cat4458 at 7:54 AM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • i find that spanking can make kids either aggressive or intimidated... some become bullies and some become the bullied.

    there is certainly not enough proper communicatioin in the home

    i can see it in my house. i am a yeller.. so my daughter yells.. when she is with me
    her father is not a yeller.. and she does not yell when she is with him

    they could be in the house for hours and you wouldn't hear them at all.. but it's not like that with me...
    i know where it comes from... my own upbringing and childhood home.

    working on it is so hard.. but it has to be something i put priority into cause otherwise it will just be a never ending cycle.

    though some people go the opposite way of how they were raised.
    Aasiyah

    Answer by Aasiyah at 7:56 AM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • trust me. getting spanked (with a hand or belt) isn't forgotten either, even decades after the fact. Physical bruises fade, but mental bruises remain.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:58 AM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • I do not believe that spanking prevents bulling, or causes it either.
    But I think it is the emotions in which the parent is "disciplining". I think that parents to do not take the time to guide and discipline their children with love and respect but instead lash out in anger and annoyance have a greater chance of creating "bullies". There are many forms of discipline that work. I do believe spanking can be an effective tool, and know several people who will stand and defend their own parents method of spanking. But the damage comes when it is done in anger... but the same goes for any punishment given in anger... yelling, time outs,.... they can be just as emotionally damaging if done in anger or spite.
    daughteroftruth

    Answer by daughteroftruth at 12:23 PM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • me too, FX. But boy did she lay into me and call my kids all sorta of nasty things without knowing anything about me beyond the answer I gave to the OP's question a few days ago. Never said it was my situation, just my opinion. Personally I'd be scared to death to be one of her kids. (not naming names but she knows who she is)
    Zoeyis

    Comment by Zoeyis (original poster) at 6:13 AM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • My parents used spanking as a last resort, not the only method of discipline. I'm not a bully, now or as a child. They spanked, they did not beat us. We learned that they really meant what they said and we accepted their answer (no pestering or begging). Whenever we did end up with a spanking, our mom would come and talk to us after we had a little while to calm down and think about the situation. She reassured us that she loved us and didn't enjoy doing it but sometimes we exhausted all other options and we should have heeded the warning to stop whatever it was that we were doing. We learned and didn't get it often.

    Our home was not violent. Our parents were not abusive. They did not teach us violence or abuse. I am not an abusive parent. My home is not violent or abusive. My children and not violent.

    Spanking has its place in the bigger realm of discipline.
    DivaDynamite

    Answer by DivaDynamite at 2:27 PM on Oct. 25, 2010