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I don't know how to get my husband to understand that his job is not a good idea for our family and how do I deal with my childs behavioral problems since he left?

My husband has taken a job away from home and loves it, but it is affecting our marriage and my 4 year olds behavior. He doesn't call regularly, sometimes it is 5-7 days before we hear from him and he promises us he will be home and doesn't come home. My daughter sits up and waits for him to call some times and has trouble sleeping. she is always asking when daddy is coming home and I don't know what to say or do.

 
emsmommy225

Asked by emsmommy225 at 6:18 AM on Oct. 25, 2010 in Relationships

Level 4 (37 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (14)
  • My husband used to work in the oilfield and it certainly caused alot of problems in our marriage, he would be gone for 3 to 4 days at a time and sometimes weeks without a word or a phone call. I had 2 young children at the time so this was very hard on them as well, I have always been the type to make the best of things but that was when it was just me and now we have children. My husband wanted to stay because the money was great but it just wasnt worth it to me. It didnt seem fair to me or the kidos and i rather have a happy family than money,so i had a long discussion after a year of dealing with this and expressed in the nicest way how this was affecting us but it wasnt easy and he wasnt happy at first but he listend and found another job in the same field where he loves his job, he is now regional manager and i am very proud of him.Now he is home everyday at a very reasonable time and we all are very happy with descision
    iluvmykidsxoxo

    Answer by iluvmykidsxoxo at 11:02 AM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • at this point i think your best bet is to try to make it all ok for your children and not let them see that this bothers you too....help them to learn to live without depending on his presence....I do understand and empathize...I lived like your children all my life...my mom had a hard time with it in my younger days, but she made some really positive changes by the time I was 10 or so....i think the best thing she did for me was show me how to live regardless of his presence in our lives....we would even have meals that we knew he didn't like when he wasn't around and that became special time for us...and we could go places without having to worry about being back for him....and then when he was home, that was special too.....best wishes to you and your family.
    FXmomTo3

    Answer by FXmomTo3 at 6:25 AM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • communicate with him on it. Maybe come to a compromise.
    therapy helps too
    Good luck
    Zoeyis

    Answer by Zoeyis at 6:25 AM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • I am so sorry this is your situation. I am at a loss for words after reading the other suggestions. I just wanted to send a hug
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 7:44 AM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • You could try and talk with him again, although I don't think it will work. i think the best thing is to help your child understand why their father is not there and make life good for the 2 of you. When she asks about her father I would be honest and tell her he is working and you are not sure when he will be home. As far as behavior you can't let her get to out of control. I understand this is hard for her although you have to get the behavior under control before it is to late.

    Lastly, if this is possible, maybe you could go visit you husband where he is. I think the first time I did this I would go alone, that is just me.

    Good Luck!
    cornflakegirl3

    Answer by cornflakegirl3 at 7:06 AM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • I was going to say men just don't get it when it comes to little kids. They just think they are doing a great thing out making money for their family but his mom is in on this? That's just wrong. I'd call MIL and ask her what's up and how she'd feel if it were her child being hurt like this?
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 9:01 AM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • What kind of job is it?
    gulfcoastmom4

    Answer by gulfcoastmom4 at 7:14 AM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • He works for a hot shot company (truck driving) he has the opportunity to come home. Such as the last time he came home he had to go on a run so he packed up and rushed out and said after the run he would come right back home (the run took 2 days) he promised our 4 year old. The company is owned by his mother so there should be understanding. His mother picked him up in the company truck and she promised her that daddy could come home in 2 days. After the run I went to go get him and both of them said that he needed to stay for a while there just in case he was needed. That was 6 days ago and we haven't heard from him since. He doesn't call or return our calls. This happened last time too and he didn't call until he wanted to come home. It is leaving my daughter with false hope and she is really acting out. It is very sad watching her wait by the phone sometimes or hearing a car and looking outside asking is that daddy?
    emsmommy225

    Comment by emsmommy225 (original poster) at 7:25 AM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • I'm also sorry your going through this, but what I can't understand is why he would be away from home so long without at least calling his children.......Are you having problems and if not, a firm talk with him an what is expected as his part in the family to be taken into consideration by him and his mother. Good luck hon

    zbee

    Answer by zbee at 8:12 AM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • Thats what I have been trying to figure out as well. We have always been best friends. We used to talk several times a day and spend all evenings and free time as a family. Once this job came about it has all been downhill. Last time he was home I told him where we stood and that he needed to call daily ect... I explained the effects it is having on us and his daughter. He said he understood and agreed and here we are again. I feel that his mother is playing a big part in this in keeping him there. Yet I wish he would stand up for us. It is as if he wants to have the financial opportunity that this will bring but doesn't know how to do both. He has changed so much. He was always a wonderful dad and husband and now it seems that his only responsibility is his mothers company.
    emsmommy225

    Comment by emsmommy225 (original poster) at 8:24 AM on Oct. 25, 2010