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Irked about MIL. Should I take it personally?

All I have been talking about for 2 months is getting my ds a walker for his first X-mas. I found out yesterday that my MIL already bought him one. She knew!! I think I am going to buy him the one I want anyway. I guess she can keep the one she got at her house. But it still ruffles my feathers!


Asked by Shanna84 at 9:49 AM on Oct. 25, 2010 in Relationships

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Answers (14)
  • I would go ahead and get him the one you want. Let her keep the other at her house and welcome to the world of the in-laws. My MIL does that kind of junk all the time. She has a severe case of one-up-itis and it's still going strong after 16 years of marriage.

    Answer by scout_mom at 9:52 AM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • Have you consider the fact that she knew you wanted one for him and felt she was doing something for you as well, by getting something she knew you wanted. I'm saying this from personal experience. I have always tried to buy things for the grandchildren that my daughter-in-law said she wanted, thinking I was helping them, little did I realize that she felt I was taking the fun away from her and trying to one up her. That wasn't the case at all. Maybe you should talk to her about it, and in the future, if you mention something you want, say you're going to buy it. For now, I would graciously accept the gift.

    Answer by SweetLuci at 10:00 AM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • Maybe she thought she was getting your ds what you wanted her to get? I'd be happy to have a mother in law who cared. My sons are 19, 21 & 28. Most of their childhoods we lived very near my MIL, they are her only grandchildren, and she has no interest in them....has seen the older ones 3 times, and youngest once. She's never given them a gift. I'd have been thrilled for her to give them what I wanted to buy them, I never had enough money to buy them everything I would have loved for them to have.

    I do understand being annoyed, but I think I'd let it go, and be thankful she loves him.

    Answer by ohwrite at 9:57 AM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • DonĀ“t take it personal, maybe she just wanted to help you out!

    Answer by Luisa621 at 10:02 AM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • How I would feel about something like that would probably depend on whether it was an isolated incident or a pattern of behavior. If they were constantly doing something like that,and I had my heart set on getting him something in particular, I would be annoyed. I would also stop telling them what I'm thinking about buying him if they always took my ideas. I've had both my mom and MIL buy things for my DS that I intended to buy, but I didn't mind at the time because it saved me a few bucks. LOL I also knew they got it before I bought it too. We have some duplicate or similar toys that are at our house and my parents' house, so you could just leave the one she gets there. If I had my heart set on being the one to give him something, I might care more though. My MIL buys a lot of stuff (too much I think), but I think it's her way of feeling close with him since she lives out of state and only sees him a few times a year.

    Answer by pam19 at 10:01 AM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • Given just the information you've told us here, I would assume that she got it because she heard you talking about it and wanted to help out. In the future, perhaps specify that you want to be the one to get it, and offer her other suggestions about what she can get. I always suggest different things to different people so we don't have to worry as much about duplicates. :)

    Answer by DragonRiderMD at 10:07 AM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • My MIL has done this exact same thing since DD was born. So when she does, she gets to keep her gifts at her house, then she complains when the things don't get much use.

    Answer by mama2br00ke at 12:27 PM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • I would buy the one you want and let MIL keep hers at her home...if she asks tell her you already have one...I think she was wrong for buying something she knew you were getting but make the best of it anyways becasue this will not be the last time your MIL will do something similar. Good luck! =)

    Answer by 4_28_bbboy at 12:49 PM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • Personally I would be thrilled to death that she spent the money on it and I didn't have to. Now that you know she is getting it for him you can get him something else that you want him to have.

    Answer by slw123 at 10:10 AM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • I don't know your mil, so I don't know if she bought it because she was trying to be helpful, of if she bought it to 'one-up' you. If it bothers you I would suggest you talk to her about it. My mil has done that a few times to me when I would tell her something- she would not be paying full attention and only hear part of it like "buy..... diapers" and then she would take that to mean SHE should buy the item, not that I was buying it. So when there would be 'doubles' of something we would keep hers at her house and then the other would be at my house.


    Answer by MizLee at 10:15 AM on Oct. 25, 2010