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4 Bumps

My husband cheated on me recently; please help me find a way to get over this, to forgive?

He is not a bad man, and not a cheater. We were stressed and had a bad year. The problem is he was out of town, had a one night stand, then spoke to her on the phone daily for 2 months. Long conversations, etc. Never saw her again. He admitted that he cared for her but did not love her. He has jumped hurdles to repair this, and I know 100% that he loves me. What I can not do is find a way to wipe this from my mind, to stop searching for answers, to look at him the way I used to. He really was my prince charming, and now everything feels shifted and wrong. And I'm hurting so bad I can't breathe sometimes. But it is NOT worth giving up. We have something unique and special. I just want this out of my head. I want some peace from it all.

Answer Question
 
missfoo428

Asked by missfoo428 at 10:49 AM on Oct. 25, 2010 in Relationships

Level 2 (6 Credits)
Answers (17)
  • Bug hugs to you. I am so sorry. I would strongly urge you to get counseling because you are not going to be able to wipe if from your mind. You both should go. I hope you can find the advice you need and are able to have some peace.
    wildflowers25

    Answer by wildflowers25 at 10:53 AM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • Get some counseling.
    Dr.Donna

    Answer by Dr.Donna at 10:53 AM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • Not that special I guess...
    Look, cheating isn't some shit you do when you're lonely and stressed. It stems from a serious lack of respect for your partner, a lack of respect for yourself, and a total dearth of integrity. If you want to try to be with someone like that, get some counseling...but my best advice is pack a bag.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:56 AM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • Counsling is really the only way...

    Even though it was a one night stand, it is almost impossible for you too forget...

    I have been there and forgave him but never forgot what he did, and never trusted him again. We are no longer together. I am not saying it is impossible but you need counsling to help you through this.... Good luck!!!!
    KFree907

    Answer by KFree907 at 10:56 AM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • I have a friend who went through this last year. Her husband made life perfect for her afterwards and although she wasn't over it she let it go and was just very stressed 24/7. January of this year she caught him a second time. They have been together for 13 years and 2 children. never expected it and never had doubts until the first time. If you want to stay together I say you will never forget what has happened but if you forgive and keep him around, love him but keep your guard up. I hope he stays true to you but be prepared. Best wishes
    emsmommy225

    Answer by emsmommy225 at 10:57 AM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • you cant you will have to deal w/ it daily.. u never forget or forgive even tho u want to when u get mad youll bring it up he will b hurt but in the end youll b fine
    Kittty_Katt

    Answer by Kittty_Katt at 10:58 AM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • Seek counseling like they have said. It may be good for you to talk it out. I am sorry you are still feeling upset, hope things get better.
    tryin2BGOOD

    Answer by tryin2BGOOD at 10:58 AM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • It's been 6 years since it happened for me and I have moved on and I am okay. So it is posssible. There are men out there that make a mistake and don't do it again. TIme needs to go by, lots of time. And if he has to listen to you over and over again, well, that comes with the territory. It actually brought us closer together because we had to check our priorities. Cheating isn't about lack of love for your partner. Ask any psycologist.
    Musicmom80

    Answer by Musicmom80 at 11:03 AM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • Well, to each his own, but for me, I could never forgive, nor forget. I guess it's up to you to try.
    m-avi

    Answer by m-avi at 11:12 AM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • i would pack a bag. once a cheater always a cheater. having a one night stand and then speaking with her for 2 months. no way would i forget. i would get out before it happens again. it is a lack of respect for you and the life you had together and our marriage meant nothing to him for doing that to you. i know it sounds harsh but some things can't be fixed with couseling and this is one of them.
    lambdarose

    Answer by lambdarose at 11:51 AM on Oct. 25, 2010

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