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I need some advice, need to keep my cool!!

I guess you could say that i am a 'yeller'. I yell when i am upset...I hate that i do it but it just seems to happen. My stepson is in second grade and lives with us. He as a hard time behaving at school..he talks to much and doesn't always follow directions when he's asked to do something he doesn't like. At home he behaves pretty well, but school is a struggle. I usually pick him up from school and when he has been in trouble that day i end up yelling at him and then seem to stay mad at him through the day. I am tired of him getting in trouble for the same thing so often, even though he knows what he should do, he doesn't do it. I don't want to yell anymore, it only makes it worse, anyone have any suggestions to help me keep my cool?? Help!!

 
stepmom929

Asked by stepmom929 at 11:16 AM on Oct. 25, 2010 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Level 12 (920 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (19)
  • I've been going to this workshop about parenting through the stress. That's the easiest way to sum it up. lol Anyhow... we've discussed many ways of handling situations without getting to the yelling point and I'll share the one thing that sticks most with me.

    Would you talk to any other human in that manner? Your boss? Neighbor? Nope, probably not. So why would you speak to your child that way? Sounds too simple, but running that thought through my mind when I'm reaching my limit has truly helped. =)

    If you snap, step back, take a few deep breaths and try again.
    Jessica157

    Answer by Jessica157 at 11:29 AM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • I agree with anonymous. Yes he lives with you, but unless his real mom isn't around anymore, then she should be the one parenting with your husband/SO. I too am a stepmom, and while my stepkids dont live with us, the youngest one is over every other weekend and I have disciplined a little bit because I needed to so I can maintain my sanity. My hubby was always leaving me with her to do yardwork etc and she would act up - and I would ask her nicely to behave in my house because I don't need my kids seeing that kind of behavior - and then she'd go back and tell her mom that I bullied her, and then the mom would call my hubby and it would be a headache. Maybe try talking to your husband about the situation and let him deal with things since it is his child.
    SweetPieMama24

    Answer by SweetPieMama24 at 11:23 AM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • I guess my first question would be, Why are you the one that is disciplining him? I, of course, don't know the circumstances, but it sounds like you may not be able to discipline very empathetically. I would let his real father or even his real mother take care of that. I know that sounds harsh, but sometimes step parents aren't able to deal fairly with a stepchild.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:20 AM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • Stop yelling and start disciplining.. Give him consequences. Make him give you something that's a favorite of his, and if he goes all week with no problems at school, he can have it back. Also tell him at them end of the week, if he's good ALL WEEK, he gets a reward. Don't tell him what it is, just let him know it will be something fun. Not material, maybe a movie, or have a friend over to play. GL
    MrsLeftlane

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 11:20 AM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • Count to ten maybe? Take deep breaths before the yelling, take time to realize what you are doing before you do it, but I understand that yelling is a form of releasing your anxieties, so it is hard to control, specially if you have done this all your life...
    older

    Answer by older at 11:20 AM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • Blah Blah on the step parent shit, you're a caregiver no matter what the title, so don't let anyone tell you because you're a step parent you can't parent him the right way!! JMO
    MrsLeftlane

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 11:21 AM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • i'm a recovering yeller to...lol i wonder if there is a support group out there? Anyway i've started a "cool down" period with my son. When he gets in trouble (which like yours is normally in school) I take 15 minutes or more if needed a cool down while he has a "think about what youve done" period. So by time i'm ready to talk he has had time to think and we are both level headed.
    wildwiccan83

    Answer by wildwiccan83 at 11:23 AM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • I had a behavior chart for my son at that age. His teacher would send home a card with just a smiley face or a sad face every day. Not much work for her. If he'd gotten in trouble on the playground or in the classroom obviously he got a sad face. If he brought home a smiley face, he got a sticker to put on his chart. He also got a reward like an extra bedtime story, or picking a special dessert. If he managed to get smiley faves all week, he got a bigger reward, going to the park with dad or me, or playing board or video games with dad and mom for family time on the weekend. The rewards were whatever was special to him.

    At 7 I didn't make him get the smiley faces all week to get a reward, sometimes the end of the week was too far away, so he got small rewards for the daily rewards and larger for the weekly rewards, and we even had a monthly reward. It worked really well with my middle son.
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 11:26 AM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • He sees his mom 3 times a year and she is not a good parent, which is why he lives with us...my husband is willing to do it, but he has to travel for work pretty regularly and isn't home ever before dinner time... quite frankly although he doesn't call me mom, he looks to me like a mother. We have a discipline system set up but I always end up yelling on top of it. I just get so frustrated when he tells me what he got in trouble for, its always the same and he knows it's wrong so we talk about the right way to handle it and he seems happy to go try it the next day, but comes h ome most days and hasn't tried the new way and got in trouble again...he is so smart and i get so frustrated hat he makes the wrong choice so often...I like the idea of not discussing anything until maybe after he does his homework or something so i can cool down...time usually helps.
    stepmom929

    Comment by stepmom929 (original poster) at 11:37 AM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • Jessica - that is a great way to think of it!! Thank you!
    stepmom929

    Comment by stepmom929 (original poster) at 11:38 AM on Oct. 25, 2010