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need some advice about my husband

my husband and i have been together for almost 10 years and last week it came out that he cheated on me when we were dating and engaged i asked him how many he was with he said he cant count how many well i am having a hard time getting past this and i would love to get passed this but just not sure how to its hard because he has always said he has not been with anyone since we started dating other then me he did not mean to tell me about this but said i guess its out now and its in the past its not like we were married what would you do sorry about the spelling

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:18 AM on Oct. 25, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (17)
  • The past defines our future...and regardless of the fact that when he cheated it was during the dating and the engagement, it was during a time when you were trusting him to be faithful to you...if it was reversed, he would be upset...therefore you have every right to be upset, hurt and all the other emotions that people go through when they find out that they have been cheated on...but you do have to heal from it...get over it and move forward...if you decide that you can trust him again, then begin working on trusting him...it will be a hard road, but if your marriage is worth it, then do it..but he has to understand the part he played in this and take responsibility for his actions...he hurt you, regardless if it was before marriage or not, the trust factor is broken and he needs to step up and take responsibility for it...
    mom2mybabes

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 12:46 PM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • Let the past stay there, what counts is your present.
    older

    Answer by older at 11:21 AM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • This one is hard because it is a trust issue. You have a choice to make. You either forget about it or you dont. Either way he has no choice but to let you deal with it the way you need to. Sorry this happened to you. My issue would be that he does not recall how many times and you were engaged.
    LeeLeeCandleGrl

    Answer by LeeLeeCandleGrl at 11:23 AM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • Honestly, if I found out my husband had cheated on me at any point in our almost 13 commitment (married or committed dating or engaged) I would leave him. We promised each other that we would never cheat as soon as we were an official couple, and breaking a promise like that and lying about it for YEARS??? Wow. I could not get over that. More power to you if you are able to work through that, but I don't think I could.
    KTMOM

    Answer by KTMOM at 11:23 AM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • yeah my husband says the same thing, we were only dating its in the past get over it....well ITS NOT THAT EASY!! Our incident happend 8 years ago and I STILL can not fully move on for it. I guess mostly because I havent gotten a heart felt apology that i know he ment...all his apologies seem FAKE which is probably why i cant get over it, plus with comments like get over it..guys have NO cluehow emotionally damaging that is to us. I would suggest some counseling on your own and try to move on from there...and remember ITS NOT YOUR FAULT, even if he tries to make it your fault he did it, its not. stay strong!
    anikahaynes1

    Answer by anikahaynes1 at 11:23 AM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • Well,u were engaged. I would be mad and find it hard to get passed too. I would be really mad that he cannot tell u how many. Was he bragging?? Is he joking ?? If he is not,then just remember,he is human and he screwed up! big!! He doesn't have any other babies out there does he? Does he even know? I have always been told that guys that cheat on u when u r engaged will cxheat again. I woiuld separate to give u time to get through it. It will help u and he is not always in your face.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:24 AM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • I would try to let it be. That's a lot of years of lying and secrets but if he's been faithful through your marriage that is important and counts for something.
    BluDog

    Answer by BluDog at 11:24 AM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • I meant to say 13 *years of* commitment... above^^
    KTMOM

    Answer by KTMOM at 11:24 AM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • I'm not like most women whom would accept and forgive this very easily. I would have to go to counseling and make sure he had not gone on and cheated even more...this is serious..if he did this before marriage...then usually they go on to cheat more after maggiage...when life gets tougher most cheaters cave even more. I hope you can get this all resolved...that would be very hard.
    Mommyof3yippey

    Answer by Mommyof3yippey at 11:25 AM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • The past is the past, but I understand where you coming from. I would pray about it and go from there.
    colepip2

    Answer by colepip2 at 11:25 AM on Oct. 25, 2010

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