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Scared to divorce- again!

I'm a married mother of an 8 yr old and 2 yr old. I've been having an affair with my "first love" for the past 4 months. We met at 16, lost touch for 17 yrs, and now found each other again. He is not married. Never has been. I have been divorced once already, my current marriage being the result of an affair. I know this looks like a "pattern", but I truly would never had begun another affair if it were with anyone other than this man. I'm actually angry that I found him because I knew, deep down that I had never stopped loving him. Never a day went by in 17 yrs that I did not think about him. If there is such a thing a "the love of your life", he is mine. I do not want to put my children thru another divorce. My boyfriend has not asked me to do this. But my relationship with my husband has become strained because I'm in love with someone else. My husband is a successful man, a wonderful father and truly loves me. Please help.

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Asked by Anonymous at 12:22 PM on Oct. 25, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • Wow. I guess this depends on how you take your marriage vows in the first place. You have now cheated twice. I think maybe you should talk to a therapist about this behavior. I know you only get one life and you want to be happy...but do your children and your husband deserve this? I think YOU have issues you need to resolve before dragging yet another person into your life. I would put all of this on the back burner, concentrate on your children...they are the only thing that matters in the end, and get some professional help. I am sure they can get to the root of your behavior and give you some tools in order to help you live a healthy emotional life.

    Answer by salexander at 12:26 PM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • To me, it sounds like you have a habit of affairs. You can deny it if you want, but this is your second affair. To be honest, your husband deserves someone that will be faithful to him. You need to either end the affair with your lover and be open and honest with your husband, and save your marriage.. or leave your husband! You can't have your cake and eat it too!!

    Answer by xxlilmomma09 at 12:29 PM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • If you were still in love with your "first love" then you should never have married this man. Your husband should be the one you love least when you marry him. I don't feel sorry for your husband. He shouldn't have cheated with a married woman. He should have said, sorry, as long as you"re married you're off limits. I do feel sorry for your kids. They deserve a stable childhood.

    Married women shouldn't have a "boyfriend", and I don't have anymore respect for your "first love" he should also have said, sorry, as long as you're married you're off limits.....

    You do need to learn some boundaries, having affairs is selfish. If you're not ready to be faithful to one person, you're not ready to be married. I agree that before you do anything else, you need to get some counseling.

    Answer by ohwrite at 12:31 PM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • Do yourself, your children & your husband a huge favor and get divorced. If you were afraid of divorce again, you never would've started an affair...Why put a decent man through your problems and why involve innocent children?

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 12:39 PM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • You should realize what your behavior is doing to your kids. Trust me, my mom is a lying cheating... well I could call her all sorts of things. I'm 24 and it still devastated me to see how my mom is now treating her 30 year marriage.

    Answer by Gnomeofmyheart at 12:42 PM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • If you stay in that relationship with your now husband you won't be doing your kids any favors by not divorcing him, go do it and stay with the man of your life.

    Answer by older at 12:47 PM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • And what happens when you "discover" that the "love of your life" isn't really it after all? Maybe you can break your pattern, but it doesn't look hopeful to me.

    Answer by mikesmom65270 at 1:39 PM on Oct. 25, 2010

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