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2 Bumps

Why do people keep referring to me as a single mother?

I am not married, so technically by law I am single, but I have been with my SO for going on 7 years and we have lived together for over 5 of those years. We have a 2 year old. So yes legally I am single but I don't consider myself to be a single mother nor would I take the credit of being one because I have just as much support in raising my child as a married mother does. So why do people keep referring to me as a single mother? It will be brought up in conversations and is almost starting to become offensive, as if my SO of 7 years and the father of my child who has not missed a second of our son's life doesn't count.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:05 PM on Oct. 25, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • It's not that he doesn't count, it's that the legal status of your relationship is not "married". It's kind of like people don't think relationships are permanent until the ring is on your finger.
    rhianna1708

    Answer by rhianna1708 at 1:07 PM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • Just because you are technically single. There are lots of single moms out there that have the baby's daddy helping, often even more than married dads. Just because he is in the kids life that doesn't change your marital status and that is all it is.
    luv2mum

    Answer by luv2mum at 1:07 PM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • Yes I know that, but people will say things like "oh it must be hard being a single mother..." or "well you're a single mom, you know how tough it can be" and I'm just like ????. Actually no I don't!
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:08 PM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • And he is more than just "helping" he is everything a married father is, just without the title.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:10 PM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • And lagh and say the definition of "single mother" is one raising her child by herself without the father present, and while your marriage status may be "single" you most definately are NOT a single parent!
    Mom2Jack04

    Answer by Mom2Jack04 at 1:12 PM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • It's funny how people look at that as a single mom. At least where I am, that's not the case. I have a TON of friends who aren't married to their SO, but they are raising a family together and living as though they are married, and they're perfectly happy with their lifestyle. I think it depends on where you live. I'm glad your kids have a dad that's there for them! =) A piece of paper does not a good dad make.
    musicpisces

    Answer by musicpisces at 1:16 PM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • You need to re-educate people and simply tell them "I'm not a single mom." You are in a domestic partnership with the father of your child. No one thinks of Goldie Hawn as a single parent - yet she never married Kurt Russel - the father of her kids and they've been together probably over 20 years!
    kathyartist2007

    Answer by kathyartist2007 at 1:18 PM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • My ex & I share custody of our daughter. I get irritated when he refers to himself as a "single dad". He's single. And he's a dad. But the term "single dad" implies he does ALL the parenting by himself. He does not. If anything I do more of the parenting! I notice he gets a lot of sympathetic comments when he makes it seem like I am not in the picture (by using that term to identify himself). I figure that's why he does it. Anyway, to me "single mom" implies to most everyone you are doing it alone. If you have the other parent there (either living with you or being greatly involved in the raising of the child), you are "co-parenting" not "single parenting". Since being the sole parent is what is impled by "single mom/dad" I dont know why someone would call you that if your child's father is parenting with you.
    lisa89j

    Answer by lisa89j at 1:23 PM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • I'd be irritated by it too. You're not a single mother. You and your SO have been together a longer amount of time than ALOT of marriages. I would say something the next time someone called you "single". I wouldn't be rude, but I'd just ask them why they keep referring to you as single.
    HaydensMama07

    Answer by HaydensMama07 at 2:39 PM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • I can see why that would up set you but why not just get married?
    hobbitswife04

    Answer by hobbitswife04 at 2:57 PM on Oct. 25, 2010

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