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4 Bumps

How can I get this birthmom to like us?

I am socially awkward, you have to know me to realize just how great I/we are! We have been contacted be a pregnant woman, looking to place and she is also looking at other couples. How can I get to know her better? How can I get her to see the "real" us, and how awesome we are?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:22 PM on Oct. 25, 2010 in Adoption

Answers (16)
  • Be honest.
    luv2mum

    Answer by luv2mum at 1:24 PM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • I agree, be honest. Anything other than that and she'll think you're fake.
    ballewal

    Answer by ballewal at 1:25 PM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • well, i would just relax and be yourself. she will place her baby in the best home possible. good luck
    lambdarose

    Answer by lambdarose at 1:25 PM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • I think you just have to try and spend some time with her. I would be honest with her. You can't make someone like you, you just have to be yourseld around her and like I said try to spend time with her. I would talk to her about what she is looking for and tell her about yourself.

    Good Luck!
    cornflakegirl3

    Answer by cornflakegirl3 at 1:26 PM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • First word of advice, she's NOT a birth mom yet. You're not a birth mom till you sign your right away in the adoption. And I agree, you just need to be yourself. A woman looking to place a child usually has an idea in her mind as to the type of people she would like to choose. You may or may not be that family. No matter how special or awesome you are, you just may not be the person she has in mind. Dont try to be something you are not, hinging on the hope you are going to "convince" her you're the right choice. Think of it like this, How would you feel if someone pretended to be something they weren't just to get something from you that they really wanted? You wouldn't feel very good about it. If she doesnt choose you that doesnt mean there is something wrong, if just means she didnt choose you.
    lisa89j

    Answer by lisa89j at 1:31 PM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • Honest. That is all you can be. If an expectantOman does not choose your family it is not a reflection of you. It is about her wishes and vision for her child. And an expectant family who is quiet and a little more private may find you both to be the best fit for their child. Many expectant parents are looking for like or similar qualities. My son's birthmom wanted a loud social outgoing mom. She suspected any child of hers was going to be loud and outgoing. Well, he loves to be the class clown and silly guy. You have to respect the qualities and traits expectant families are searching for.
    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 2:30 PM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • Try to put together a small scrapbook, include photo's and captions of things you like to do, your home, places you go often in the community, things that will help her get a real feel of who you are! Be honest, and don't make promises that you might have to break later! Good luck!
    TiffyTaffy79

    Answer by TiffyTaffy79 at 3:17 PM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • Well, coming from a birthmom, there isn't much you can do to make her pick you over other families. When I was going through profiles (I went through a great agency) I just kept an open mind, little things here & there would stick out to me but in the end there was one family that just stood out for no apparent reason - just deep down inside something clicked while I was looking at their pictures, reading about their lives, and that is what made me choose them. Give them the maximum info about you & your family that you can, be open to questions, just be yourself! Don't play up anything, don't down play anything. Be you. Don't try to make her like you - if she doesn't feel it she can't be swayed.
    4time-mom

    Answer by 4time-mom at 3:19 PM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • Speaking from a birth mothers perspective there really isn't anything you can do to make her like you. The important thing is to be honest, and provide as much information about yourself as you can. Don't try to be something you're not just to get her to choose you, she will only be broken hearted when she finds out you lied. I knew exactly what I was looking for prior to looking at profiles and I wanted someone who looked like me and had the same interests and personality. The only way for her to see the "real" you is to be the real you, don't hide things, be open and completely honest and you're real personality should come through. For me there was nothing that set one couple above another, I had a very specific list of characteristics and qualities and for me it came down to the couple that had those.
    blessedwboysx3

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 5:30 PM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • It sounds like you are shy and you are worried that you will be too nervous to show her the real you. When I am nervous in a situation, it really helps me to start the conversation with a statement about it. It sort of breaks the ice and takes the steam out of the feeling.

    You might want to say "I am so nervous. I am kind of a shy person and I really want to show you who we really are." Chances are, she is nervous too.
    ARgal

    Answer by ARgal at 12:17 AM on Oct. 26, 2010

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