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3 Bumps

Loving 2 men at once *LONG* adult content

I'm in love with my husband and I find myself falling in love with the guy I'm currently with. My husband and I are separated until he can come home from deployment and we can try to work on our marriage again, even though I'm at the verge of divorce. It took me telling my husband that I'm done for him to straighten up and want to try but it's impossible with him thousands of miles away. He knows I'm seeing someone else so it's no secret. The guy I'm seeing knows my situation and knows that I may just end back with my husband but he still wants to be with me. Says what time he gets is what he wants to cherish, he tells me he loves me. I tell him I don't want to hurt him but he doesn't care says as long as I end up happy its good enough for him. I want to be with him but I don't know how I'm going to feel when my husband gets home. The guy I;m seeing is a man from my past and we dated for a year and he left me CONTINUE


Asked by Anonymous at 1:28 PM on Oct. 25, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (21)
  • From experience, I can tell you that it's not going to be an easy decision to make. When your husband gets home, leave for a few days or a week or something and stay with someone else (like a friend, your mom, etc.). Stay there for as long as you can and do NOT see either of them during that time. Think very, very long and hard about who fulfills you more, who makes you feel like you can be yourself, who is most compatible with you in the most ways, who wants the same things from the future as you, who treats you better, who seems more committed to you, etc. What you are doing, in my opinion at least, is not cheating. If the two of you are separated (and not just by the miles between you, but you actually came to that agreement) and both know the situation, you are not cheating. You have, however, put yourself in a difficult situation, but that's not just your fault. You can't control who you fall in love with. (Continued)

    Answer by Mrs.BAT at 1:39 PM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • I think you need time away from BOTH men to see who YOU are and what YOU want in life. Men do not define you, you define yourself. Take time away from both and see who you want. You might find you don't want either one.

    Answer by layh41407 at 1:39 PM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • Only you know what is best for you. I would go with my heart on this one. Which one do you see yourself with when you are old? I would pick the one you can talk to and one who gives you that feeling. I am sure one of them will come out on top in your heart.

    Answer by jshimmy at 1:40 PM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • Come on ladies. She admitted she's doing wrong. You don't need to repeat. If you can be nice and give advise buzz the hell off.

    I think you need to be done with both of them and go find yourself. I don't think either one is good for you. Why try with a husband that cheated and didn't want to try and tell you told him you were leaving. Why lie and pretended all is good until he comes home? A man deserves to know the truth regardless of deployed, so it's good he knows. I think you should just stay single for a while.

    Answer by MamaDawn0223 at 1:41 PM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • If you spend time away from both of them, things will get clearer. Don't just leave the day your husband comes home, though. Spend a few days or a couple of weeks with him to talk, and right now start talking to the other guy. Once you've covered everything with both of them, leave for a while. Being away from both of them will help you see who fits better in your life and who you have a stronger connection to. Don't go back to your husband just because he says he wants to work it out and because you don't want to hurt him. Someone is going to get hurt, no matter what happens. Don't think that those kinds of feelings, or a feeling of obligation to your husband, should be the reason you stay with him. If you realize after time apart that you can't leave him and can't be without him, base your decision on those feelings. It's going to be very difficult, but you'll get through this.

    Answer by Mrs.BAT at 1:43 PM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • FITmama
    they are separated, her husband knows she's seeing someone else. For all we know he's seeing someone while over there. Why should she stay faithful if he isn't? Her husband has no problem with her seeing someone else or the OP would have said something or not even told him she was seeing someone else.

    Answer by MamaDawn0223 at 1:43 PM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • gee, i was in a similar situation to you not that long ago. what i did was tell them both i need a break to decide what to do with my life. then i took a long hard look at what i wanted for me and my kids. weighed the pros and cons of both relationships.....where would we live, how would the kids feel, etc. i decided to work things out with my husband. it worked out that way for me and the other guy started being really nasty to me after i told him i wanted to take time to think before i decided. i guess that helped me make up my mind too

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:49 PM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • Just because they are seperated does not give a free pass to cheat. That seems to be the general notion on here and it is not perfectly acceptable. Depending on where you are, judges tend to frown on it. If any of you were in a situation where you were thousand of miles from your husband and children and were having problems in your marriage but not able to be able to be face to face for communication, you'd see it differently so don't b.s. yourselves.

    To the OP - What I cannot understand is why in the world would you want to be with either of these guys? I'm sorry to be so blunt but they are cheaters. If you agreed to work on your marriage, you should not be dating someone else. I think you need to take some time from both of them and figure out what you want for yourself for the future. This does not seem like any way to live and what is best for your children need to figure in to this too.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:12 PM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • Honestly, you made a commitment to your husband when you said "I do"... If you think there's a chance of the two of you working things out, I think you owe it to him to give that a try first. You're still married, and I feel that as long as you are in one relationship, you have no right to start another one. That's just my opinion, though.

    Answer by Anouck at 1:34 PM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • One more thing, after taking that time apart, it's entirely possible that you might find that you don't want either of them. I know you say that they are both changed men, now, but sometimes people really don't change. If you decide you don't want to be with either of them, that's ok. You just need to do what you think is best for you and your child. Forget about them, and go with what's right for you.

    Answer by Mrs.BAT at 1:46 PM on Oct. 25, 2010