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How would you handle a family member accusing you of "stealing" their baby name?

This is our first child, we are having a daughter, my older sister lost a daughter 9 years ago, so me having a baby girl is hard enough on her. Now she says that I "stole" the name she was going to name her next daughter. No one in my family can remember her ever saying this before and we picked this name out years ago through some friends out of town. I don't feel we did anything wrong but my sister is set on that I purposely "stole" this name to hurt her. It's a real issue and causing problems in our sibling relationship and talking about it didn't help. =( How would you handle it?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:15 PM on Oct. 25, 2010 in Baby Names

This question is closed.
Answers (19)
  • IMO either way you play this it will change the relationship between you and your sister. If you keep the name then she will resent you for it. If you give it up and pick another you will resent her, expecially if she never has another daughter. Its been 9 years and only a truly mean person would do what she did. She never mentioned this name before to anyone and yet when you announce it she immediately has an emotional fit. Sounds to me like she wanted the attention.

    My husband's sister lost 2 daughters very sortly after they were born. She named them and when I had thought to name our daughter "Jane" (I didnt know about the 2 she lost then) she was actually honored that we were thinking of naming ours daughter after hers. And they were named, not some name that she might one day call a future child.

    If it were me, I would use the name. You are going to lose either way. Make YOU happy.
    Jwick

    Answer by Jwick at 5:56 PM on Oct. 26, 2010

  • is naming your baby that name worth hurting your sister, and having your sister be reminded of the baby she lost everytime she looks at your baby?? Regardless of whether she told you then or now, it's maybe something you should consider. Good Luck.
    PhiLLy-StyLe

    Answer by PhiLLy-StyLe at 2:18 PM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • I will add that I would almost never tell anyone to pick another name, the idea of stealing names is so silly to me, but given the fact that she lost a daughter and this really means something to her, I think I'd just pick another name to avoid upsetting her, she's had enough heart ache and if she is holding out hope that one day she'll have another daughter named XXXX and that helps her get through, I'd let her have it.
    gramsmom

    Answer by gramsmom at 2:23 PM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • Wow... I can understand her being upset if that really was the name she picked out, but c'mon now... That was 9 years ago, and obviously you weren't even aware she had picked that name. Logically, you really have absolutely nothing to feel bad about, and if you like the name, you can take it. However, out of sensitivity, is there maybe another name you really like? Or maybe you can use that name as a middle name to honor your sister's lost child? Please don't misunderstand me, I don't think you did anything wrong, but losing a child is hard, so maybe just to make things easier for her, you can compromise somehow?
    Anouck

    Answer by Anouck at 2:21 PM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • I would pick a different name. Whether she verbally said that was the name she wanted or not, obviously the name you chose is hurting her.
    AllAboutKeeley

    Answer by AllAboutKeeley at 2:21 PM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • No, its not fair, but in the grand scheme of things, what isn't fair is losing a child and then hanging on to some hope to have another and get comfort by some name. Because of her circumstances, I just don't think its worth it. Care to share the name? Perhaps we can brainstorm for something better....? I know it stinks, but honestly, I would do this for my sister if she was this upset and went through what she went through.
    gramsmom

    Answer by gramsmom at 2:35 PM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • I think you should find another name. If she lost a child and this is, for whatever reason, what she is holding on to, I'd let her have it. I'm sure you have other great names picked out.
    gramsmom

    Answer by gramsmom at 2:21 PM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • Wait... you're saying the name you picked is not even the name of the child she lost? But what, just a name she might want to use for a future child? I'm changing my answer, that's ridiculous. She's just going to have to get over it.
    Anouck

    Answer by Anouck at 2:22 PM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • I think the whole stealing a baby name is ridiculous! But I do agree with Philly-Style... is it really worth damaging your relationship with your sister over? If you have not had the baby yet, try to think of a different name. If you have already had the baby and named her, then go to your sister and tell her the truth that you didn't know that was the name she had chosen and if you had you never would have used it knowing that she wanted it...sometimes a little lie will help diffuse the anger. Also tell her how much your baby will probably love to have a cousin with the same name.

    Good LUCK! You will need it!
    SleepingBeautee

    Answer by SleepingBeautee at 2:23 PM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • I choose a name she said she was going to name a future daughter... who knows if she even will have another daughter.. just isnt fair because we really do love the name picked out for our daughter..
    NewMommie333

    Answer by NewMommie333 at 2:25 PM on Oct. 25, 2010

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