Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

2 Bumps

Should I tell him?

My husband and I were on the verge of splitting, had stopped wearing our rings, etc after many things he had done in the years we had been married. During this time I met someone who was going through something similar with his wife. We have grown very close and care greatly for each other. (nothing physical) He left his wife for good today. My husband wants to work on our relationship and has started doing all the things I wished he would for years but I dont know if it is just for the week or if it is an actual life change. I dont know how I feel about things with him and working it out, but I care deeply for this other man as well. I dont want to be lying, so I want to bring this up to DH and talk about it. But I dont want him to be hurt if I decide to stay with him. I am so conflicted. What should I do?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 6:44 PM on Oct. 25, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • Work on your relationship with your husband... the one you took vows with. Don't tell him about the man you are already having an emotional relationship with. Your friend is in no position to start a new relationship and won't be for a long time yet. You can care deeply for more than one person at a time. You don't have to share everything with him, there is such a thing as privacy.

    Answer by Blabbermouth at 6:48 PM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • I would say if you have feelings for another man, than you do not love your husband. Tell your husband about the feelings you are having for this other man. That, alone, might let you know if his ne found behavior is real and lasting.

    Answer by dancinintherain at 6:51 PM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • I know these things can be hard and confusing I went through the same things with my husband but we are legally seperated now. I would tell him about the other man. You were basically seperated and free to explore different things. Just be careful either way you choose you should choose with your heart.

    Answer by tashi02 at 6:55 PM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • ok, i believe u can care for more than one person at a time. u are still healing from ur broken relationship and i think its great that he wants to try and work it out. if ur a praying person, i suggest praying. but under NO cirrcumstance should u leave out the fact that u made a new friend. it WILL come back to haunt u somehow. the only way a relationship truely works is with complete honesty.
    i agree with dancingintherain. if u tell him, the way he reacts then will be a good test to see if his change is long-lasting.
    i hope everything works out for the best.

    Answer by Phippsandrea at 6:57 PM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • if it were me, i would try to work it out with my hubby. only you know how you feel about both relationships. are you ready to let your hubby go completely? if you are, are you ready to jump into another relationship so fast? do you still care about your hubby enough to work on your relationship with him? i think if you answer these questions honestly to yourself, you will have your answer. gl.

    Answer by kmjsmommy12345 at 6:58 PM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • Personally, I would have to ask myself "Is it too late for these changes?" You've basically moved on and if you can do that so easily then you clearly have given up on your husband. I think he realizes that you're leaving and he's suddenly trying to make it work so you won't. However, if he didn't change after all of these years for you, what good is it going to do now? And is it even genuine? You need to talk to your husband and be honest about everything.

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 7:28 PM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • Be honest!

    Answer by hmhmom at 7:37 PM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • How do you know this other man is genuine?

    Answer by gulfcoastmom4 at 9:11 PM on Oct. 25, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.