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3 Bumps

What should I do now? adult content

This story is long but I will try to keep it short. My younger sister and I were talking to through text last night and she told me she had always had a thought that she was sexually abused as a child. I have always had the same thoughts about myself but never talked to anyone about it (other than my DH). We suspect my dad did this while we were sleeping. Not sex but touching. So anyway, I told her it was fine if she wanted to tell our mom but please leave me out of it. I dont see a point in bringing it up now that it has been over 10 years ago. Well without talking to me first she told our mom at Mcdonalds today! With my kids and DH there. So I am livid and my mom was a mess because she doesnt know who to believe. I dont know what to say or do now. I am beyond mad at my sister and feel like she let out my secret. Should I try talking to her? Maybe my mom? Or should I just let it go like I wanted to in the first place?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:47 PM on Oct. 25, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • – collapse
    Having somebody touch you while you sleep is not sexual abuse in my opinion. Your sister was incredibly thoughtless and made a poor choice in blurting this out in front of everybody. Of course your mom is conflicted and will need time to process this. I would just give them all some space for awhile and Yes, I'd be furious at my sister but what you gonna do now? Try to let it go.
    Blabbermouth

    Answer by Blabbermouth at 6:52 PM on Oct. 25, 2010 (hidden) + expand

  • Honestly, neither one of you have any SHRED of evidence that anything inappropriate actually happened, so I would have been really hesitant to say anything in the first place... However, for your sister to bring something like that up to your mom with your husband and kids there is just... really really bad. I'd be livid! I think at this point it's really too late to just let it go, though, I think you need to talk to your mom.

    I'm assuming your dad isn't around anymore to defend himself?
    Anouck

    Answer by Anouck at 6:57 PM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • Well, in my opinion, that is sexual abuse.
    Now, I think you should tell your sister she should have left you out of it and go talk to your mom. You are involved nowm so there really is no way out.
    dancinintherain

    Answer by dancinintherain at 6:58 PM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • I can not believe anyone would say being touched inappropriately during your sleep is not sexual abuse! Any inappropriate touching to a child is molestation!
    To the op........the fact that you both have this feeling is pretty strong, but you do not have any proof. I also would be upset she said something, even after you asked her not to. However, the best way to deal with a situation is not avoidance. It's best to talk to your family about it. Your sister should understand why you are upset and your mom should know that you are not accussing, you just have had this feeling that has been bothering you. The best way to work through a problem is to def. talk about it. I wish you luck with this. It is a difficult situation!
    CJM_SHM

    Answer by CJM_SHM at 7:11 PM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • I'm speechless right now. How the hell you going to tell someone that touching someone inappropriately is not sexual abuse. You The ones that need help right now i got go with CJM SHM on this one. You guys has lost your darn minds.
    nicjon

    Answer by nicjon at 7:21 PM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • I think you should talk to your mom first. Console her and let her know how you feel about what might've happened and how you feel now. Let her express her feelings about it and see where she stands. Let her sister get the "silent treatment" for a little bit while you talk with your mom. Then once you've calmed down talk with your sister and let her know how she definately crossed the line. How she had no right to expose a secret that was yours to keep.
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 7:24 PM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • Touching someone in their sleep is NOT sexual abuse? Are you kidding me? Geez, and using ruffes(however it's spelled, the date rape drug) isn't rape, either, right? They were children!
    Talk with your mom, first. It's out there, you can't ignore it. Then chew your sisters ass. You told her to leave you out of it. She had no business bringing you into it. She had no business bringing it up in a public place, in front of your kids, and in front of your husband. What if you hadn't told your hubby? (I'm sure you told her you told him, but what if you hadn't?) And, SHE DID THIS IN PUBLIC, AND BROUGHT YOUR NAME INTO IT!!! Rip into her. Then, don't talk to her. I certainly wouldn't trust her for a long while.
    Raine2001

    Answer by Raine2001 at 8:17 PM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • I also feel that is abuse and to lay that on your mom at McDonalds wth.
    Shines3

    Answer by Shines3 at 8:22 PM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • Sexual abuse is being touched, fondled, groped, or spoken to in an inappropriate manner and you have not consented to it. I can't believe anyone thinking being sexually touched in one's sleep doesn't reflect this, but whatever.

    I think you should let your sister know she went about this the wrong way and she needs to sit down with you all and calmly discuss what you know, felt, etc. and let your mom process it as well.
    rio_burb

    Answer by rio_burb at 9:21 PM on Oct. 25, 2010

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