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DH's grandma told me I should be Christian.

After politely declining 10+ church invites I finally told him DH's grandma that I wasn't Christian and simply didn't want to attend church with her. She looked me dead in the eye and said "YOU SHOULD BE!" I was shocked and didn't know what to say so I changed the subject. This has just been nagging at me. Does anyone else think this is more than a little rude? No matter what your beliefs are I think that what she said was completely inappropriate.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:33 PM on Oct. 29, 2008 in Religion & Beliefs

Answers (12)
  • You're right. It's horribly inappropriate. It'd be like you telling her she shouldn't be a Christian. It's totally offensive. Ack. I'm sorry you experienced this. I'm an atheist and I used to go through this with my in-laws, but one day I told them how hurtful they were being and they've been good about it ever since.
    StarLee

    Answer by StarLee at 11:35 PM on Oct. 29, 2008

  • That was her generation. Sometimes you just have to either ignore these people completely or humor her. There's no getting around it.

    I'm not Christian, but my DH is catholic. We would have had to get married in a Catholic church by a priest (who would only do so if we were both confirmed, which I -of course- am not) if his grandmother had survived long enough to see us married. Don't get me wrong, I didn't want her to die... it was just how things worked out... but it would have been a big mess, just because of her opinion and hold over the family.
    MamaLion82007

    Answer by MamaLion82007 at 11:39 PM on Oct. 29, 2008

  • You know what, she totally went about that in the wrong way, but hopefully, she did it with the best of intentions. Try to take into consideration her age and at least respect her passion for her beliefs. If you can manage to do that, you (the younger "unchurched" person) will be setting a good example for her. Sometimes Christians, in their zeal to see others come to Christ, do more harm than good. I hope you won't let that bad experience completely close your mind to the possiblilty of going to any church. I certainly wouldn't blame you for never going to hers!
    Mishelly728

    Answer by Mishelly728 at 11:43 PM on Oct. 29, 2008

  • I'm not saying the way she said it is the right way but try to understand where she's coming from and why she said it... maybe it's because she cares about you and loves you and wants you to share in what she's found by being a christian.

    I'm a Christian and I will admit I have some friends and relatives, who if others were to here our conversation they'd think I was rude... but these friends and relatives no where I'm coming from.. now I'm not that way with everyone and definitely not with people I don't know... but people who I know get me and can take some things I just put out there... I just say it. Maybe your DH's grandma feels comfortable enough with you to say what she said.
    bonn777

    Answer by bonn777 at 11:45 PM on Oct. 29, 2008

  • I do realize she went about it in the wrong way. I want to believe she had the best intentions, but I'm not sure though. To her, it seemed she thought I should be ashamed and afraid to mention my disbelief aloud. You are right in saying that I should account for her age - she is a bit advanced in years. As far as going to church goes.. I've been. Many times, countless times. I've decided that for now at least (never say never) it's not for me as I don't believe in it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:49 PM on Oct. 29, 2008

  • bonn777 - I could understand her saying that if I knew her at all. Although I would still consider it inappropriate. I had known her for about 20 minutes beforehand. We met for about 5 minutes before she moved away a few years ago. And for about 15 more just recently before she said this. My DH is not close with his family. I'd never spoken to her on the phone, nothing.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:53 PM on Oct. 29, 2008

  • OP: then sorry that was your experience with someone trying to tell you about church or being a christian. i promise, we're not all that way.
    bonn777

    Answer by bonn777 at 12:01 AM on Oct. 30, 2008

  • OP-- you are wise to never say never. It's good you haven't completely closed the door on the option. Sometimes, it just takes finding the right church (unfortunately, there are a lot of "wrong" ones out there!). With the info you added, about not really knowing her at all, I have to agree with you that she was totally out of line. It says a lot about your character that you were willing to take her age into account. A lot of folks wouldn't have cared how old she was or whose grandmother she was, they would have let her have it! I respect you for that!
    Mishelly728

    Answer by Mishelly728 at 12:08 AM on Oct. 30, 2008

  • Sorry that happened to you. How uncomfortable. It's hard when you're trying to be polite and someone else doesn't try at all. I think you handled it well, and I would find it rude... I'm honestly nervous about the same thing happening to me and speaking my mind too abruptly. I don't want to hurt someones feelings - but no one likes a rude attack for a personal choice!
    Serafyna

    Answer by Serafyna at 12:43 AM on Oct. 30, 2008

  • My great-grandmother has become pushy like that lately. Of course, she has Alzheimer's, so it's a little easier to take. She spends Sunday afternoons with my family & DH had a hard time adjusting at first. "Ben, why weren't you in church this morning?" And he didn't want to just come out and say, "I don't believe in it...." so he just tells her every week that he wasn't feeling up to it that day.
    AaronsMommy1015

    Answer by AaronsMommy1015 at 6:10 AM on Oct. 30, 2008

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