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A question on family and memorials...

My Father passed last April and my Mom had a viewing but did not have a memorial service. Now she wants to have a memorial service a year to the day my Father passed. I live 280 miles from where she is going to have the memorial. I can spend the money to go, but I already went to the viewing last April.
Is it really important for me as his daughter to be there at the memorial service in 2011 as well?


Asked by tryin2BGOOD at 10:56 PM on Oct. 25, 2010 in Relationships

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This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • Were you close to your Father? Out of respect for your Mother and your siblings, I think you should be there for them. It's not always about death, but it's a chance for the people who are living to reconnect.

    Answer by amessageofhope at 11:38 PM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • Yes, it's important.

    Answer by LuvBug3 at 10:58 PM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • That's a personal choice, however if you can afford to go, I would, out of respect to your mother and your siblings. Were they at the viewing? They might take your nonattendance the wrong way. Now if you legitimately can't go for whatever reason, then that's understandable. But to not go just because you already went to the viewing, eh. *shrug*

    Answer by thatgirl70 at 11:00 PM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • Yes, it is important that you go. I am sorry for your loss.

    Answer by Bmat at 10:58 PM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • If you don't feel the need to go then I wouldn't go. I would do exactly what I wanted to do, not do something because someone else tells me that I need to do it for them.

    Answer by tony1638 at 11:05 PM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • a few weeks ago, my cousin died. my mom freaked! i did not know her that well and really could not afford to fly from fla to cali BUT i did it because my needed me to be with her. it maybe that even if you do not feel the need to go, others may need you to be there! think of it more of a remembrance than a memorial.

    Answer by itzmyzoo at 11:19 PM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • I agree,its a personal choice and this is something YOU have to listen to your inner self about.Do NOT worry what others think.If you want to tell your mom how you feel about it,then do it but don't let anyone sway your feelings~ you have mourned.

    Answer by XoTwinsMomoX at 11:21 PM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • Is it important? That's more a question between you and your mother. Would she understand and completely be okay if you didn't come? Do you think she would need your support? How about any of your siblings? Will they be there and how would they feel about you maybe not being there...would they need your support? Would you be okay if you didn't go?

    Answer by AllAboutKeeley at 11:22 PM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • I guess it depends on the relationship you had with your father, the relationship you have with your mom and what you want your future relationship with your mom.

    You don't say why you don't want to go except maybe the distance. Is there some reason you DON'T want to go?

    Answer by NHGal at 11:27 PM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • Well there are so many people trying to act supportive of my Mother and befriend her. Proove they are more of a friend than the other.
    It makes me want to be away from it. My Mom has a best friend and a sister who do this.
    Then there are my 24 & 28 year old sisters who still live at home. It was just stupid for my Mom to let them know she is recieving a pension from my Dad.
    The priest who acts consolingly towards my Mom, who I have seen her look away and roll her eyes at what my Mom was saying. While my Mom was crying.
    And my Mom also offered to pay my airline ticket out there, but I won't let her. I can afford my own ticket and even my Hubby doesn't think a widow should pay for our expenses.

    Comment by tryin2BGOOD (original poster) at 11:42 PM on Oct. 25, 2010