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2 Bumps

My 28 year old daughter intends to leave her boyfriend of two years due to finances to move her and her baby in with me. I said , I want to see signed child support papers from the baby daddy. She refuses said it woulf be insulting to him. I am in intent to forclose. she has no job I am drowning already of course the 14 mon old baby is precious. She could nmove in with her father to his apartment She just wants the precieved luxuary of a house.

She lived with her father since she was 16. He could use the help cooking etc. Help!
Drowning in Jersey!

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:36 PM on Oct. 25, 2010 in Adult Children (18+)

Answers (12)
  • What is your question?
    luvsmysonjames

    Answer by luvsmysonjames at 11:38 PM on Oct. 25, 2010

  • From a personal stand point, my now husband and I were seperated for 9 months when our daughter was about a year old, my family was constantly jumping down my throat about going after him for child support. I never did it. My theory was that it was more important to me that he spent time with our daughter than the money (and at the time I had been the only one that paid for all the things our daughter needed). When I was a kid my parents constantly fought about child support ( they still do except now it is back child support on both me and my brother). It is still a sensitive and strained subject and strains our relationship especially with our mother. I never wanted to do that to my daughter. It worked out for us but then again I never moved back in with my parents. Finance wise, I provided for our daughter but I also knew that if I needed anything for her, all I had to do was call him and if he could he would help.
    justduckie_mom

    Answer by justduckie_mom at 2:07 AM on Oct. 26, 2010

  • Insulting or not, it's a matter of what that child is entitled to. I also divorced my husband over 10 years ago and thought we could be "civil and not include child support" in the divorce papers. BIG. MISTAKE. He paid me what he could here and there for two years, which never amounted to what I would have had ordered. Now he hasn't paid me a dime in over 7 years, and he works all his jobs under the table to avoid me. I have tried getting him served and it was a big joke and waste of time because they can't find him (he moves all the time). Your daughter needs to understand the importance of getting an order for support. Things might be hunkey dorey for now, but what happens in 3 years when said ex boyfriend decides to knock up another girl....ask her if she thinks he will continue to pay her then. Probably not. Insulting aside, it's business and that child deserves to have the support he needs to be raised properly.
    leftcoastgirl

    Answer by leftcoastgirl at 7:39 AM on Oct. 26, 2010

  • Your daughter can't expect to move in with you (with a child) and not have any form of money. Whether the guy is insulted or not, nice thoughts don't feed or clothe anyone. If he is a decent guy, he may feel somewhat insulted but won't have a problem helping to support his child. Your daughter isn't being sensible at all!
    Awakened1

    Answer by Awakened1 at 9:21 AM on Oct. 26, 2010

  • I would just tell her she can't move in unless she signs an agreement that she will pay you so much money to live there. Make sure to have it notarized. So, she will have to get a job, or get child support. If she won't do it tell her NO!
    mzfam99

    Answer by mzfam99 at 10:50 AM on Oct. 26, 2010

  • It's not insulting, it's the law. Stand your ground and tell her no moving in unless she's getting child support and has a job to support herself and the baby.
    bethany169

    Answer by bethany169 at 11:04 AM on Oct. 26, 2010

  • I agree, child support is a necessity. When I had to go on welfare 17 years ago, the first thing they did was go after daddy for support, which they then applied toward what they were giving me. He got off easy, they only charged him $200 a month, but he paid it, and if he didn't they kept his tax returns until it was paid! I would definitely charge her rent,and food, and tell her that you will split the utilites with her, because those are going to go way up too! Maybe she will realize that she's better off where she is, and she needs to concentrate on making that relationship work!
    MamaAlice54

    Answer by MamaAlice54 at 1:43 PM on Oct. 26, 2010

  • OMG....my head is spinning. What a mess. SHe needs to take care of herself.SHe should not have had a baby with a boy friend. That was mistake #1.
    She should not expect YOU to bail her out and overlook her mistakes. Her boyfriend needs to supprt his child.SHe needs to be independent at her age. Get tough with her. WOw...I am always depressed when I read about girls who expect so very little from a boyfriend and make mistakes then want Mom to bail them out.
    kerp1960

    Answer by kerp1960 at 10:55 PM on Oct. 26, 2010

  • Not to sound heartless or bash or whatever but sometimes it cost more to get the support then its worth. Emotionally and financially. My ex is an asshole thru and thru. He told me because I left I didn't need to get support and would just belittle me to know end for it. Then I had to file and that cost me $100 with the courts then lawyer fees and all that and I only end up getting $20.57 a month. That doesn't even begin to cover my sons expenses. If you can't support her tell her that. Riding her ass about support doesn't help anyone. Being up front and saying I can't take on an more is better.
    StefInfection

    Answer by StefInfection at 10:11 AM on Oct. 27, 2010

  • Simple no papers no place for her in your home you could just take the baby if you have the means until she gets her act together!!!
    MichelleBabyBoy

    Answer by MichelleBabyBoy at 11:45 AM on Oct. 27, 2010

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