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I loss my mother over a year ago to cancer. My daughter is atking it retty hard. Three months follwing that her other grandmother died. I try to get her to talk to me, she will a little bit. Not able to get very much out of her. She just turned 10 this month and has always been a quiet girl. After all of this it has just gotten worse. I talked to her about a counselor and she will not do it. Any suggestions?


Asked by arenad at 11:10 AM on Oct. 26, 2010 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 23 (15,984 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • Maybe get her a journal and have her write her feeling, that way she can get it out and feel safe doing it. I'm stubborn and don't like to talk to people about my problems either, but the journal helps when I'm upset.

    Answer by NicholeAT at 11:13 AM on Oct. 26, 2010

  • Sometimes it's hard to discuss your feelings, especially at ten, as they are really not sure how they feel yet. Ten is pretty young, but I have to ask how she can say "no" to counseling. She's ten. If you truly think she needs it, then I would not stop until I made sure she went. But, again, she may just have to have some time to heal.

    Answer by m-avi at 11:15 AM on Oct. 26, 2010

  • Try to get her to remember her and keep her alive in her heart and memories, show her pictures and good times, maybe then she will let it all out.

    Answer by older at 11:12 AM on Oct. 26, 2010

  • I don't have the best insurance, so if I take her it will cost me. I'm not going to take her when I know she isn't going to say anything. What is that going to help.

    Comment by arenad (original poster) at 11:18 AM on Oct. 26, 2010

  • I see. I would actually just leave the chains of communication open between you and her. Let her know you are there for her if she wants to talk about it, but watch her. That's about all you can do.

    Answer by m-avi at 11:26 AM on Oct. 26, 2010

  • Contact your school. Both of my sons are seeing a family & marriage counselor for free. They lost their dad 5 years ago to cancer.

    Answer by Ginger0104 at 11:39 AM on Oct. 26, 2010

  • I tried that, Ginger0104. They told me unless it was effecting her school work they couldn't help.

    Comment by arenad (original poster) at 11:43 AM on Oct. 26, 2010

  • Another suggestion would be to contact your county's mental health department. They may have something worthwhile. Also, some books on grieving children may help you help her at home. is the book that's helped me the most, and the only one I still refer to.

    Answer by Ginger0104 at 12:25 PM on Oct. 26, 2010

  • I think the idea of a journal is a good one, she could write or draw her feelings, or even write a letter to her grandmas to tell them she misses them, etc. This may have also given her fears that she might not be verbalizing but I dealt with a family death at that age and it made me worried that my parents or anyone could just die suddenly which was hard to deal with. Try to reassure her if you can, which I know is hard. Definitely try the County Mental Health Dept, too, they have a lot of resources available. Or try telling your daughter some of your feelings, in an age appropriate way, for example tell her something you miss about your mother, or a story about her grandma that she might not know yet. If she sees you talking about and dealing with grief it may help her to understand her own. Try to gently draw her out, don't just let her close up and hide her feelings. Good luck.

    Answer by MaryMW at 2:56 PM on Oct. 26, 2010

  • journaling, art therapy at home (draw her feelings), walk therapy (you and her go for a walk every talking involved unless she wants to talk...otherwise quiet walking)
    Sometimes leaving it alone but doing an activity can get a child to open pressure no expectations...just quiet and open doors to communicate...can take from a few sessions to months for her to talk about anything but she will at least know you are available to her when she needs it...

    Answer by 4_28_bbboy at 4:01 PM on Oct. 26, 2010