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to moms who have been married more then 7 years

Me and my husband will be married 7 years In April. Lately i've been doing the "what ifs" in my head. What if there is someone more compatible out there for me?, what if i'm staying with him because i think i love him but thats only because i haven't found true love?, What if there is something better out there? etc.

My marriage isn't the greatest. We don't fight but we don't talk either. The only things we do together are things with our son unless it is our anniversary and then sometimes i feel like we only do that because it is expected. We each typically just do our own thing so while i don't have it as bad as others whos husbands either ignore them, scream at them etc. I can't help but wonder if we only stay together because it is comfortable. I talked to my mom and an older friend of mine and both said that i just have the "7 year itch".
what is that supposed to mean? Do all ladies have these worries?


Asked by wildwiccan83 at 11:46 AM on Oct. 26, 2010 in Relationships

Level 17 (3,292 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • Its called the 7 year "Itch" but it does sound like you are missing communication and fun.. remember to have fun as a couple is HUGE in a long going relationship.. The itch means 'the normal everyday" things stop being fun or exciting or romantic and you are getting in to this routine daily grind that isn't giving you the same satisfaction.. its normal but it does sound like you need to BOTH spice some things up - write cute little love notes to each other or leave your panties in his car for him to see, or on an "unexpected" night, attack him or make each other something you both really love to each as a surprise dinner.. flowers/cards etc.. can help if the money is there.... I've been with my husband for almost 14 years.. it happens..

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 11:49 AM on Oct. 26, 2010

  • google the 7 year itch. It is kinda a real thing.
    Married 26 years,no I worry for nothing regarding our marriage or anything else in life. Worry is a waste of time and lack of faith.
    anyway...the only advice I can give is that your man is person just like you. he hasthoughts and feelings just like you. he wants to be loved and respected just like you. he has fears and insecurities just like you. he needs to be heard and supported just like you. And he CANNOT read your mind. GL

    Answer by jewjewbee at 12:04 PM on Oct. 26, 2010

  • That's when you two need to go and do something with just you guys. Do little things to keep the spark in the marriage. We've been married for 5 years this year. Marriage is a ministry/work. Do something unexpectedly nice for him or sweet just because to keep the fire. Send your son off to family and go for a weekend getaway to re-kindle stuff between you two, etc..

    Answer by SparklingHope at 11:50 AM on Oct. 26, 2010

  • They don't all but it is very common. Unless you are extrememly miserable, work to make it better. Talk to him. Tell him what you want your relationship to be. Tell him exactly how you would like it to change.
    Than after all this work look at it in year 10.

    Answer by tootoobusy at 11:49 AM on Oct. 26, 2010

  • I was married 7 years in July. Our relationship has ups and downs, but I'm committed to this family and so is he. When things are in a "down" we usually talk it out and try and make things better. I know some say relationships shouldn't be work, but ours is, and when its good its worth it. Have you talked to him about this at all? Maybe he's feeling the same and wants to work on it. And FWIW, I've heard that these days the "itch" is at 4 years, not 7, lol. The expression means you have an itch that isn't getting scratched and you're wondering if there is something out there that will scratch it for to speak.

    Answer by gramsmom at 11:50 AM on Oct. 26, 2010

  • Try to find an activity you both would like to do together. Such as dancing or a cooking class. Maybe that would braek the ice so to speak.

    Answer by arenad at 11:53 AM on Oct. 26, 2010

  • If you have all these "ifs" in your mind, it is telling me you are not happy, or else those thoughts would never enter your mind. I have been married 38 years and I got to tell you not a day goes by that I do not pad myself in the back for choosing a life with him. He is far from perfect, but I love everything about him including his flaws. Never had any type of itch, in my relationship, but I know there are a lot of couples that go through it. Being comfortable is part of being happy, do not let it mislead you into thinking that this is all there is.
    Ask yourself these questions: Do I love him? Am I in love with him? or am I use to being with him without romantic feelings? Do you love him as a brother or as a mate?
    If you had found true love you would know it, not question it.

    Answer by older at 11:53 AM on Oct. 26, 2010

  • We've been married for almost 6 but I do wonder every once in a while. Most days, though, I feel really lucky to have found someone who balances me out so well, and is so supportive, and such a great dad to our son. I definitely agree with the PP who said find some activities you like to do together and try to get the spark back--it is tough to get back to what you had before you had kids, but if you can re-connect, so worth it :)

    Answer by bethany169 at 12:10 PM on Oct. 26, 2010

  • I find believe being comfortable in a marriage says a lot.  Means Trust.

    Start making plans for the 7-year marriage anniversary by going away for a few days just the two of you to rekindle those feeling again.  ;-)


    Answer by musicmom08 at 12:47 PM on Oct. 26, 2010

  • I think you ladies have hit on the "real" problem between me and him. We have very little in common. I like dancing, restaurants, social events, computer games, and crafts. He likes television, watching sports, playing sports games, eating at home, and puzzles. Hes a loner and i'm a socialite. lol When we do go out he wants a whole in the wall bar and i want a dance club. We have both tried to get into what the other likes to no avail. I can't stand sitting on my butt and I hate sports, He hates crowded places and is computer illiterate. We do puzzles together once in a while and i manage to drag him to a restaurant maybe twice a year but it's pretty obvious the other person is uncomfortable. I love my husband but can a marriage survive like this? I feel like we live seperate lives in the same house.

    Comment by wildwiccan83 (original poster) at 12:50 PM on Oct. 26, 2010