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Is it common for young adult kids to keep their parents in the dark about EVERYTHING

I keep hearing about how close parents are with their young adult children and they talk everyday, yadda,yadda,yadda..

well I have a 24 yr old stepdaughter and 19 yr old daughter.
the older one has been married and had a kid without given it a thought to tell us when we find out she says it didn't occur to her to tell us.
my 19 yr old has been on a cruise and goes to florida alot with her bf and now i find out she is on a vollyball team at school(she lives 4 hours away)
she says it doesn't occur to her to tell me anything.
now when I get married have kids, travel,join sports....I am excited and talk about it!
What is up here? why do they just blow these things off as no big deal?
I'm going to put this in relationships because this has to do with my relationship with my kids..this just pushes me away..I just don't understand why they have to be this way.

 
alotleft2do

Asked by alotleft2do at 2:18 PM on Oct. 26, 2010 in Relationships

Level 18 (5,609 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (17)
  • At first my daughter always said she was soooo busy and just didn't know when she could "fit it in" I was always patient and persistant. I also tried to figure something out that she would really want to do so it would be hard for her to say no. If you can try to plan something that you know they couldn't resist. I know one time I scheduled massages and facials for us and she just loved it. I told her that if she is sooooo busy that a massage and facial is just what she needs. My mom always had Sunday dinner it was just a given that she would be serving a big dinner at 2pm. If we showed up then fine if not fine. So I did that too. At first I felt like I was "losing" her but after a bit it all worked out. We talk almost on a daily basis and make sure that we get together for things at least once a month now. But I think that fact that I was persistant in the beginning helped.
    sue118

    Answer by sue118 at 2:46 PM on Oct. 26, 2010

  • LMAO What planet are they from? Yeah it's normal. I never told my parents anything when I was a Young Adult. My mom didn't even know I was having sex until she read it in my diary. Of course, talking to my mom about sex isn't the easiest thing in the world to do.
    GinNTonic

    Answer by GinNTonic at 2:20 PM on Oct. 26, 2010

  • I have 3 sons, so far that sort of thing they seem to be telling me...at least as far as I know (they are 19, 21 & 28) now something they don't think I'll be happy about......like getting a ticket for smoking pot in public....that I had to find out through someone else!!
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 2:22 PM on Oct. 26, 2010

  • hmm idk i keep things from my mom. but not happy things. i amy not tell her as soon as they ahppen if i know she will not be as happy for me as i am but i always tell her.. have you tried talking to them about this?
    2boysmommy.js

    Answer by 2boysmommy.js at 2:23 PM on Oct. 26, 2010

  • well sex is not something I want to know about, just the BIG moments and the fun stuff..I would have told my mom about my getting married, having kids or joining sports
    alotleft2do

    Comment by alotleft2do (original poster) at 2:23 PM on Oct. 26, 2010

  • wow, that would be hard for me. I can't believe that your SD had a child and didn't tell you???? I don't know what to say, I can see that some adult children may not tell their parents everything but having a baby and going on a vacation seem like things they would share. It's not like telling your parents about some party you went to. How has your relationship been with your kids before now?
    sue118

    Answer by sue118 at 2:24 PM on Oct. 26, 2010

  • Yes I have talked to them and they say it didn't occur to them that they had to tell me anything
    alotleft2do

    Comment by alotleft2do (original poster) at 2:25 PM on Oct. 26, 2010

  • Before they got on their own we were all close but now they have their wings and they keep flying farther away
    alotleft2do

    Comment by alotleft2do (original poster) at 2:26 PM on Oct. 26, 2010

  • Well, what I mean is, when they lived with you did they share the things going on in their lives or was it you having to pull info out of them?
    sue118

    Answer by sue118 at 2:27 PM on Oct. 26, 2010

  • Was your relationship with them good when they lived at home?

    I ask because after I was an adult, I stopped talking to a few family members because relationships changes, got strained, etc. They disagreed with my decisions, quite loudly, and I decided it was simply easier to go on w/ my life without inviting further disapproval.
    geminilove

    Answer by geminilove at 2:27 PM on Oct. 26, 2010