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I want to know what you think ...

I am 26 my hubby is 28 we have one son he is 1.5 years old. We agreed to start trying for our second Nov 1st. THAT IS IN 6 DAYS!!!! It took over 2 years to get prego with our little guy. So if that is the case starting now is good. Here is the deal- my son is such a mama's boy, so clingy and I do everything for him (He wont let his father.) He is such a stubborn child. If I add another one I will feel bad, like when him and I are cuddling and the new baby cries I have to get up to tend to it. I feel like he wont be so close to me and feel unloved. You may think this is stupid but this is what I'm worried about, but I do want another child. I don't want to push my son away. Should I just stick with my one or go for another in your opinion? Plus my son wont just start letting his dad take over his baths and stuff he will scream and scream for me. AHHH Motherhood is tough!!

 
ktinaza

Asked by ktinaza at 4:10 PM on Oct. 26, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 13 (1,230 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • i think you should definatly have another one! i am an only child. i have a half sister and a stepbrother, but they did not come into my life until i was 12. one of the biggest disappointments of my life is that i will never know what its like to have a biological sibling, or to grow up with a sibling. he will get used to it! it will be a life changer, but im sure in the end it will all work out for you. just make sure when the new baby comes, you still set aside time for just your son and you.
    PURPULbutterfly

    Answer by PURPULbutterfly at 4:14 PM on Oct. 26, 2010

  • I think you and Daddy better reclaim the leadership of your house. Much easier said than done - I know! But think long term, here. You want to have a family - not a monarchy where Junior rules. Do you seriously want an 18 month old to decide for you how to grow your family? I agree with the above advice to have daddy get him out of the house, to the park, and chill with him there. It will be very difficult at first not to give in to his crying to get what he wants - but it won't last long. (it will seem inordinately long!). I know "daycare" is a dirty word to some SAHMs, but it's not. It can be a GREAT social experience for a child who hasn't gotten over the cutting of the umbilical cord. You are not being mean - you are building character in a little PERSON - he's going to be an adult a lot longer than he is a baby- what are you teaching him? more to say - no more words...Luck to you!
    mommyx9

    Answer by mommyx9 at 5:58 PM on Oct. 26, 2010

  • You need to leave the house and leave the son with his daddy. The only way that son will feel that daddy is just as good as mommy is to force him to rely on daddy.
    Be careful cause it may turn on you...he may find that he wants daddy more than mommy at times and you will feel rejected.
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 4:13 PM on Oct. 26, 2010

  • I think in the coming months it is quite possible that your son will gain some independence and so he could very well be less clingy by the time the new baby arrives. I also think you need to consider the gift of a sibling that you are giving to your son- you are giving him a friend and ally for life. There will be moments when it is hard and times that you feel pulled in two directions for sure, as most mothers of more than one feel, but in the long run I think it will be ok. In the meantime maybe try to foster your son's relationship with Dad. For me, it's sometimes easier if I am not at home, then of course Daddy becomes number one in my daughter's eyes. Make a dinner date with friends or have Dad take your son out for a bit- if you aren't there he's much more likely to let Dad do everything as their really isn't another option. Good luck to you!
    MaryMW

    Answer by MaryMW at 4:17 PM on Oct. 26, 2010

  • Jademom07... when I do try to leave the house he screams and my hubby calls 30 minutes later and he has not stopped crying, like full on crying... I don't know why he doesn't like his dad. If his father trys to hold his sometimes he lets him other times he will scream and hit his dad. I was wondering if it's because since he was little little tiny, his dad was there but I did EVERYTHING and still do, feed him, bathe him, get him ready, put him in his car seat, give him snacks etc
    ktinaza

    Comment by ktinaza (original poster) at 4:17 PM on Oct. 26, 2010

  • Having only one child is not always a good thing, kids need to learn that the universe does not revolve around just them. When you have a second one, you do not have to push your son away, just need a little help from Dad, maybe then he will create a bond with him which is also a good thing. It is totally normal for an only child to feel jealous over a new brother and sister, this you will never be able to avoid, but you can certainly make sure he will always feel just as loved as he does now. Go for that second baby and you will see there will still be plenty of love to go around.
    older

    Answer by older at 4:18 PM on Oct. 26, 2010

  • Your son is 1.5. He knows that when he screams when left with daddy, that daddy will give in a call mommy back and you will come running. Your DH and your son need to learn how to work without you. Even full on screaming, your DH will have to figure out how to work thru it with your son.
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 4:21 PM on Oct. 26, 2010

  • im with jadesmommy
    san78

    Answer by san78 at 4:25 PM on Oct. 26, 2010

  • That is true, I just don't want to have my hubby get so irritated that he is mean to him, lol I know I worry to much. But my hubby gets mad easy, not violent , but very irritated
    ktinaza

    Comment by ktinaza (original poster) at 4:30 PM on Oct. 26, 2010

  • Have your hubby take him someplace like the park where he is bound to have fun. Whatever your son likes to do, maybe if DH does that with him that will get things on the right track from there. And you and DH can start doing things like bathing, feeding, bedtime routine, etc together so he gets used to Daddy being there for those activities. I would make serious work on their relationship because whether or not you have another baby you want your son and his father to have a good bond. Imagine if you got sick or had to leave town suddenly for an emergency and your DH and son had to get along without you. Just remind your DH that we all get frustrated at times but you take a deep breath or put the child somewhere safe for a minute to clear your head and then you dive back in with as much patience as you can muster and you keep at it. Sooner or later the adult wins- even with stubborn kids- you just have to keep at it.
    MaryMW

    Answer by MaryMW at 4:50 PM on Oct. 26, 2010

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