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is making little mean comments that are meant jokingly about your kids okay to you?

i have a friend that is constantly doing this. she gets easily frustrated with her 5 month old and 4 year old and will call them jerks. she'll say these like "i just wanna shoot myself in the head" or "i just wanna shoot her in the head". she'll swear at them, using words like shit, damn and fuck. and then when people look at her funny, she'll say "i'm just joking."

do you think this type of behavior is acceptable? i know everyone has a tolerance level and kids can push it sometimes. i personally have never felt the need to call my children names or swear at them in my 4 years of being a mom so far. and i certainly dont' want them directing this language back at me someday.


Asked by tnm786 at 4:24 PM on Oct. 26, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 43 (159,608 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (24)
  • No, I don't think it is acceptable at all. Would she talk to another adult that way? Would she want others to speak to her that way? And they're children for goodness sake, they're supposed to be difficult because they're still learning. Your friend should be ashamed of herself and she should consider taking some parenting classes to help her to learn to channel her frustrations more appropriately.

    Answer by mom2aspclboy at 4:29 PM on Oct. 26, 2010

  • Words hurt. My grandfather used to calle my mother sunnysideup b/c she is flat chested. So she feels self conscience about her lack in the booby department. She was convinced she couldn't breast feed b/c she didn't have breast. She never felt sexy b/c what man would love Sunnysideup. She is in her late fifties now and is still convinced that her bony flat chested self is ugly. I think she is lovely. I on the other hand am curvy (overwieght). She told me all the time how beutiful I am/was. She drilled it in my head that I was a super star. Truth is...I'm not. I am a plain jane that is overweight but I carry myself like I'm Tyra Banks.

    Sometimes I catch myself say things to my kids that I should not. We all make mistakes and if you feel that she is crossing a line than speak to her. Use the love you have in your heart for her to show her a better way!

    Answer by Darlinree at 4:32 PM on Oct. 26, 2010

  • No I don't think this is acceptable. She is only teaching her kids that she doesn't respect them and that it is ok to not be respectful of others.

    Answer by rhianna1708 at 4:27 PM on Oct. 26, 2010

  • No not at all. I grew up with my family constantly picking on me about my weight and my butt as a teenager (starting when I was 5'4" and weighed 115lb, and wore a size 3-5). I still have really bad body issues because of it, and it makes me sick to see myself naked or in form fitting clothes most of the time because I always feel too fat. I don't think that any mean comments, even if they're meant as a joke, are ok because the lasting damage they can do to a person emotionally is scary.

    Answer by Mrs.BAT at 5:19 PM on Oct. 26, 2010

  • No, it's not acceptable, and is very immature on her part....not to mention unloving...

    Answer by Anna92464 at 4:29 PM on Oct. 26, 2010

  • Why would anyone want to say mean things to their children? Even if you think you are joking, kids aren't usually developed enough to get "jokes" like that and are more likely to take what you say to heart. The only thing being mean is going to do is 1- teach your children to be mean, too and 2- make them think you are mean to them. Is that what you want to accomplish? We are supposed to be building our children up, not tearing them down. Also, if this person is not able to practice self-controll by keeping her snarky comments to herself, she is teaching her children to just say what ever without considering someone else's feelings, too. IMO, not good parenting.

    Answer by azhlynne at 4:36 PM on Oct. 26, 2010

  • I dont say thing like that to my son...but when DH gets home from work I will tell him that our son has been a little shit all day. But once again I dont say it around my son. I wouldnt want him to start saying that to anyone.

    Answer by Shelii at 4:27 PM on Oct. 26, 2010

  • no it is not ok I remember ever lil nasty remark my mom made Now she wonders why we aren't " close " duh

    Answer by chica1965 at 4:30 PM on Oct. 26, 2010

  • The thing about jokes like this is that there is always truth to them. If you didn't honestly feel that way, you wouldn't say it. Mean words and swearing are never "just jokes". They are mean, rude and nasty words - there's nothing nice or good about them. Using them around, with or in reference to children doesn't do anyone any favors. It just makes you think negatively and makes things worse. As hard as it is, I try to focus on the positive things my DS (and DH) do whenever I'm tempted to get frustrated or mad. If I remember my baby's sweet smile, it makes the pee on my shirt a lot easier to handle.

    Answer by Reenieredhead at 4:50 PM on Oct. 26, 2010

  • Hell no it's not Ok it's verbal and emotional abuse!!!!!!!1

    Answer by KISS1224 at 4:51 PM on Oct. 26, 2010