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4 Bumps

So what if your husband is good to you, for the most part, but isn't attracted to you?

He used to be, but it didn't take long to be married before I knew something was wrong. I do not measure up to the women he was with years ago when he was young and promiscuous. He admits to this, apologetically and regretfully. I know that I'm attractive, but I'm no supermodel. And it doesn't matter how he tries to be nice, I still feel ugly in his presence.

I feel so very very emotionally weary. I just want some hope that he could be attracted to me someday, without me going anorexic and being somebody I'm just not.

Oh, and no, he has not faith in counseling, or counseling would have already helped us.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:47 PM on Oct. 26, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (14)
  • Sorry, I was about to leave work and didn't want to have to rush through my answer.

    When DH and I first got together (online) I was overweight. At the time, he didn't have a problem with it and our relationship thrived. Eventually I lost weight and I moved here to be with him. A couple of years went by and I started gaining the weight back, but it was not a problem. Not until his mother asked him if he really wanted to be with a fat girl. And it was like after that, everything changed. He still loved me, but I could count on one hand the number of times he called me beautiful or complimented me. I would ask him why he never did and he finally said that he didn't find me attractive. Loved my personality, but because I was fat, I didn't look good to him. I blame that on his mother. Sorry, but until she had opened her mouth, he was fine with me. But, I also blame him for not learning proper respect of women either.
    thatgirl70

    Answer by thatgirl70 at 6:34 PM on Oct. 26, 2010

  • Oh wow. I don't think I could be with someone who was not attracted to me. That would really kill my self esteem. If he is REALLY in love with you, he should love EVERYTHING about you, including your physical appearance.
    MommySwiggles

    Answer by MommySwiggles at 5:54 PM on Oct. 26, 2010

  • We are in love with each other, but sometimes I do wish the compliments were more forthcoming.

    I nearly cried the other day when my son told me I was beautiful. I realize he may not quite understand the concept yet (he's 3), but it was still so nice to hear.
    thatgirl70

    Answer by thatgirl70 at 6:35 PM on Oct. 26, 2010

  • Bumping so I can answer this later.
    thatgirl70

    Answer by thatgirl70 at 5:56 PM on Oct. 26, 2010

  • I'm sorry I know how you feel
    jessesmama22

    Answer by jessesmama22 at 5:59 PM on Oct. 26, 2010

  • They say it's too easy to get divorced - (the "they" people who have never BEEN divorced) - it's actually too easy to get married. We end up marrying during the Stage 1 of a relationship - the getting to know you part, and sometimes produce kids during that time. The problems crop up in Stage 2 - the time when we get to know the things we DON'T have in common - the ways we are dissimilar, and truthfully, because we "married", we a reluctant to call a spade a spade, and peacefully agree that a lifetime with this person is not what we want or need - and stay together way too long - and live through a relationship where you both feel trapped and resentments build up to a dangerous, ugly degree. Sit down with hubby and have a long talk. If you do not want to spend the rest of your lives together, now would be the time for you both to plan your exit strategies. There is no shame in being mature enough to realize this. Good luck!
    mommyx9

    Answer by mommyx9 at 6:12 PM on Oct. 26, 2010

  • Wow, that's awful... I honestly don't know if I could be with somebody like that.... How shallow. And really, is he still the same stud he was years ago? We all get older, and none of us look like supermodels for our entire lives. Real love should be based on a lot more than just appearance alone. I don't know what to tell you, other than your husband is a douche. And you deserve better.
    Anouck

    Answer by Anouck at 6:22 PM on Oct. 26, 2010

  • You do need to sit down and have long talk. What did he see in you when you met - a future wife and mother? Hadn't he tired of "supermodels" and wanted a real woman? So, what does he really want now?
    jackdaw

    Answer by jackdaw at 6:25 PM on Oct. 26, 2010

  • if he aint attracted i dont want him i want someone whos attracted to me as well as i to him
    Kittty_Katt

    Answer by Kittty_Katt at 6:38 PM on Oct. 26, 2010

  • Well he should be attracted to you even if you're not at your ideal weight. If he's still good to you then maybe you can try to get back down to a healthy weight so that you will feel attractive again and know that he is attracted to you physically for sure.
    SylviaNCali

    Answer by SylviaNCali at 7:19 PM on Oct. 26, 2010

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