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2 Bumps

i dont know what to do

My h left me about 2 months ago, he told me he wanted a divorce. But everytime I would see him he would still be wearing his wedding ring and he didnt file for divorce. So im really confused. Ive asked him to stay and work things out he always says no. He has been out of state for 3 weeks. When he came home yesterday he told me he wanted to be with me. So heres my problem, he was with someone else when he was out of state. I dont want to be with him anymore, the thought of him with her just disgusts me. I seriously threw up when he told me. I feel like I will be letting my kids down if I dont take him back. But I seriously cant be intimate with him knowing he was with someone else, I cant even look at him. I really did want things to work out between us, but now after this I dont. I wont be able to ever trust him again. and the thought of them together will always be in my mind. I guess Im just looking for some advice. HELP!

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:29 PM on Oct. 26, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • Go with your heart. I know that you dont want to let your kids down but why stay in a relationship that is not going to work. Besides kids are really smart trust me they will know when there is something not right with your relationship. Good Luck.
    nicjon

    Answer by nicjon at 7:34 PM on Oct. 26, 2010

  • honestly I was disappointed in my mother when she still wanted to work things out with my stepfather after his infidelity. I think your kids would be more let down if you created a household full of tension and unhappiness by bringing him back into your home.
    gypsymama532

    Answer by gypsymama532 at 8:12 PM on Oct. 26, 2010

  • It can be worked out with some serious counselling,for both of you.But you have to decide if it's worth it.Your trust has been destroyed and you're angry (and rightfully so).Maybe a separation for awhile so you can sort your feelings out,and see how he behaves.He'll have to earn your trust again somehow.It's the only advice I can think of and don't underestimate yourself.You'll know what's best,and don't worry about your kids,just don't let YOURSELF down.Best of luck to you.
    GingerKitten

    Answer by GingerKitten at 8:21 PM on Oct. 26, 2010

  • I think you'll let your kids down more if you stay. I seriously threw up repeatedly when I found out my ex was with someone and I did it for months. Just thinking about them together made me ill. He never did come back & I wouldn't of wanted him back anyway. You are better then that. I wish you a lot of luck. You'll know what's right in your heart if you just give yourself time to think about this. Whatever you do be happy OK?
    Moms_Angels1960

    Answer by Moms_Angels1960 at 8:32 PM on Oct. 26, 2010

  • i kinda went through this same thing but he ddnt cheat he was just collecting pics from woman on the net i was disgusted and thought he cheated i wanted a divorce and called the lawyer. he came to me n told me he needed help and wanted to go to counseling."he was doing this long before we were together so to him it was just an everyday thing i ddnt find out til we were married" we went to counseling because i love him and didnt want to lose my husband and for my daughter to lose her daddy. I still think about it and we still have trust issues it hurts from time to time but it also fades away with time. its there as long as u hold on to it so u have to go w ur heart. im glad i chose counseling and was able to work things out
    Alyson_Torres09

    Answer by Alyson_Torres09 at 8:38 PM on Oct. 26, 2010

  • I would do what is best for you. In the long run your kids will realize that whatever choice makes you happy will be best for them as well. It is only natural for a child to want their mom and dad together. Infedelity is a really hard thing to overcome. Be honest with him and tell him that you would never be able to trust him and that you deserve someone that is going to put you first, you don't want sloppy seconds. Try to be civil and not fight in front of the kids. The kids should never be used as pawns or leverage. Good luck momma and be strong. A happy momma makes for happy kids.
    bcauseimthemom

    Answer by bcauseimthemom at 8:47 PM on Oct. 26, 2010

  • dont do it for the kids!! u need to be happy!
    ahsweetness

    Answer by ahsweetness at 9:58 PM on Oct. 26, 2010

  • Do stay for the kids, it never ends up working out. Be true to yourself and let him go. I agree, that certain things you will never be able to get out of your head.
    jshimmy

    Answer by jshimmy at 1:38 PM on Oct. 27, 2010

  • You are hurting right now. You and your husband should try marriage counseling and then if you still feel the same, divorce him and get on with your life. May you find happiness.
    depressedmom65

    Answer by depressedmom65 at 9:30 AM on Oct. 28, 2010

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