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3 Bumps

How can I walk away from the kids?

I have been living with SO for months. He has lied to me three times in those months one of them was a MAJOR lie but I was really trying to work it out. The kids are all his not mine and their mother only sees them maybe 6 hours every 6 weeks (her decision) he works second shift & to put it nicely his kids are all assholes, no respect no discipline and no regard to authority. When I first met SO within that week he had his kids taken away by DFCS for leaving them alone while he worked the older two were fighting neighbor called cops. When the cops got her the place was a mess (imagine HOARDERS). SO claims it was cause no one was here to help with kids, I do it all with very little help from him or kids. I am attached to kids as they are attached to me but I don't feel like this is the relationship I deserve or at this point need. When I mention leaving they are all like no please don't go but nothing changes. How can I leave?


Asked by Anonymous at 9:58 PM on Oct. 26, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (4)
  • That is an extremely hard one.

    My ex and his new wife were having problems a few months ago and she was ready to walk but she stayed because of MY whacked...AND she supposedly told my ex that SHE would get to see the kids more than HE would if they split up...

    Anyway, YOU know what is going on, YOU have tried to change the situation and help. DO NOT be taken for granted and used any longer, sweetie. Get out while the getting is good.

    You could put rules in place, chore charts, actual consequences to rule breaking AND include SO on it, just like he is one of the kids. Tell them that you will give it a trial period, say two weeks? If there is not LASTING and SIGNIFICANT change, you, your cleaning hands and good nature are OUTTA there!

    Answer by NEMommaOf3 at 1:41 PM on Oct. 27, 2010

  • Just walk away from him and tell him that you still want to be able to see the kids and take them to the park or lunch. But prepare yourself for him to say no and just cut you out. Good luck and i hope things work out for you.

    Answer by Shelii at 10:00 PM on Oct. 26, 2010

  • oh Hon he is using you and I am so glad you care about the kids but you may just be proloning the inevitable they need to be plcaced in an appropriate home or Daddy needs to get his act together

    Answer by chica1965 at 10:02 PM on Oct. 26, 2010

  • That is a hard one. Kids are so priceless, if you can make a difference you're willing to put up with almost anything in order to be there for them. I think you have to take a serious look and ask yourself if you (or the kids) really have more to gain by you staying, or by you leaving. Either way, you're going to have to make sacrifices. You have to determine that those are sacrifices you can live with. Ultimately, if you can't be with this guy, it's only a matter of time before you call it quits, I would think, so even if you choose not to leave now, how long could you hold out?

    Answer by Adelicious at 10:04 PM on Oct. 26, 2010