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MIL vs DIL - who's right?

There is something of a standoff going on between MIL and me. She lives 10 minutes away and hasn't called here in a month. I have two kids (her grandkids) ages 14 months and 3. She is upset because I won't drive them to her apartment and stay there with them the whole time so we can all visit together in her apt. I can't stand her and want no part in doing that. My husband has suggested I can drop kids off and go do something for like two hours since my kids are attched to my hip and I don't get any time away from them. She's not having it. So I don't call her and she doesn't call me. BUT, by her not calling or coming over she is missing out on her grandkids lives which I think makes what she is doing much much worse. I'm not keeping them from her. She's free to call and ask about or come over at any time. Opinions?

 
Isaidit

Asked by Isaidit at 10:13 PM on Oct. 26, 2010 in Relationships

Level 6 (110 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • My FIL doesn't want to see his youngest Grandson. My older son will walk over there. But I take care of my mother in the daytime and I don't have time to go over there either. He doesn't even come to my place and I'm not even a mile away. I know how you feel, Farmville is not a necessity. If she thinks that's more important than her Grandkids, then let her be. That's her choice, not yours. The fact that she wants you to stay when you bring the kids to her house, that would tell me that she doesn't want to watch them either. So what's the point of going over there in the first place? Can she drive? I know being a mother to two small kids is hard and she's not seeing it how you do. If you have to watch you kids over there, you might as well do it at home.
    amessageofhope

    Answer by amessageofhope at 1:17 AM on Oct. 27, 2010

  • If you really really really can't stand her, then why can't your husband take them over there for an afternoon? It's his mother after all.
    beckcorc

    Answer by beckcorc at 10:16 PM on Oct. 26, 2010

  • if you dont wanna be around her then whats the diff whether she comes over or you go there? IMO you should want your children to have as many ppl as possible in their lives who love them....even if it means two hours of putting up with someone you cant stand once avery other week or so...be the bigger person and call her....in the end you will look like the more mature one and your children wont miss out on a relationship with their g-ma.......no one is right or wrong here, the situation just needs to be geared more toward the kids than toward the adults
    mamagee1218

    Answer by mamagee1218 at 10:20 PM on Oct. 26, 2010

  • My thoughts are whether you like it or not this woman is part of your family and part of your life. If she is asking for you to come over and visit for a couple hours can't you compromise and meet her halfway? I'm a dil and haven't always gotten along with my mil so I do know how frustrating the relationship can be. Maybe you go over every other week and the weeks in between you can invite her to your house for coffee to visit with her grandkids. I think you should compromise and choose your battles wisely. JMO
    buzymamaof3

    Answer by buzymamaof3 at 10:21 PM on Oct. 26, 2010

  • wow.....the more you say, the harder it is to tell the adults apart from the children...
    mamagee1218

    Answer by mamagee1218 at 10:41 PM on Oct. 26, 2010

  • My husband is never home. Works crazy long hours. Also, she's home, I'm home. It just makes sense that it would be me. I know I'm being a baby and not a big person but I just can't believe she is being so petty. It's not like we are really "fighting" it's just a little distant but we'll talk if in the same room. Hell or high water wouldn't keep me from my grandbabies. I think it speaks volumes about what kind of person she is.
    Isaidit

    Comment by Isaidit (original poster) at 10:19 PM on Oct. 26, 2010

  • Because I am bitter that she will never watch my kids and I'm not going to make it easier for her to spend time with my kids. I'm not bringing them to her...however, I'm certainly by no means keeping them from her. I have to strap two kids in a carseat both ways. It's rather insulting that she thinks I should have to be the one to go to her. But really, she's addicted to farmville so that meets all her emotional needs for the time being. I think that's the real reason she can go a month without knowing a single thing about her grandbabies.
    Isaidit

    Comment by Isaidit (original poster) at 10:23 PM on Oct. 26, 2010

  • If it helps, her son (my husband) thinks she's completely selfish and unreasonable most of the time. I feel like this is awesome because it's revealing her character.
    Isaidit

    Comment by Isaidit (original poster) at 10:26 PM on Oct. 26, 2010

  • Just take the kids over to see their grandma. It's important for them to have a relationship with her. You don't have to like her. I'm not all that thrilled with my SO's mother, but I don't have to be!! I want my daughter to know her.

    Take the kids over, and while they are visiting with their grandma, you can go surf the net or something. That's what I usually do.
    Fallaya

    Answer by Fallaya at 10:42 PM on Oct. 26, 2010

  • If a grandma can go a whole month without seeing her grandkids or knowing anything about them...I don't think they are missing much.
    Isaidit

    Comment by Isaidit (original poster) at 10:42 PM on Oct. 26, 2010

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