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2 Bumps

What do you do if your mother is crossing the line of being Grandma?

I have really started to notice, and not like, how my mom makes herself "too involved" in my children's lives. Such as telling my oldest that it is time for bed, or after I have asked my toddler to stop running through the house, she immediately tells him to be a good boy- (and she always uses a softer, nicer pitch as if to be buddies with him.) And then just talking to my kids non-stop, like telling them 13 times before bed to sleep tight and she loves them. I just feel like she's stepping on my toes and not allowing me to be their mom. My husband is upset about it too and ready to say something. (FYI, my family is living with my parents at this time until we get into our house, so it makes it even more difficult because we are here everyday.) I don't want to hurt my moms feelings, but I need her to back up. Help me!!!

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:54 AM on Oct. 27, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (12)
  • It sounds like she is just trying to be involved. Nothing you said sounds like she is crossing any lines. If it is around bed time that she probably knows that, this would be the only thing that you mentioned that might bother me. You are living with her. Do you want her to not be involved at all. So she tell them she loves them a lot there is certainly not anything wrong with that. Just glad that she is involved.
    Melbornj

    Answer by Melbornj at 12:58 AM on Oct. 27, 2010

  • Personally I see nothing wrong with what your mom is doing. It sounds to me like she's just backing you up. Its not like she is telling your kids to do something completely different than what you are trying to do. Plus since it is HER house that you are staying at, she has every right to tell your kids what to "do" if its infringing on her house rules or making her uncomfortable. However if its really bothering you that much, which in my opinion you are being a little petty, you can always just say "I've got it, Mom" or "I can handle it."
    Ash9724

    Answer by Ash9724 at 1:01 AM on Oct. 27, 2010

  • If you are living under her roof, she feels that her rules are prioritized over yours and she's right. You cannot come into someone else's house and expect to discipline your children like you always have. Their rules might be more stringent than yours. I mean, she is letting your entire family live there, don't you think that's driving her insane? It would me. I would think that your entire family needs to move out and give the poor woman a break!

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:02 AM on Oct. 27, 2010

  • I think as long as you're living there, it's going to happen. I know DH's family is like that, and I'm always feeling like, "Hello, I'M the mommy!!" It's very frustrating. Honestly, I would wait until you move out though, because with her there this much, it's kind of inevitable.
    If you decide to say something, tell her you appreciate that her heart is in the right place, but when you are there, she needs to let you be the parent. You can point out example if you want to. Try to keep it calm and on a lighter note. Good luck!
    musicpisces

    Answer by musicpisces at 1:03 AM on Oct. 27, 2010

  • Sounds like the living arrangments are to blame. Living with any one when you are an adult, you're bound to notice annoying habits they have. While it may be irritating, as long as she isn't going against your parenting style or rules, I wouldn't get too upset. My mother couldn't give a crap about me or my kids so consider yourself lucky that she's showing an interest.
    Mrs.B3

    Answer by Mrs.B3 at 1:07 AM on Oct. 27, 2010

  • Don't say a word before you know it you will be out of there. She is just doing what she feels is right I am sure she does not feel like she is hurting anyone...she sounds like a sweet lady. Eh! Leave her alone let her be grandma. She suppose to spoil the grand kids. Hang in there silly.
    Butterfly1108

    Answer by Butterfly1108 at 1:13 AM on Oct. 27, 2010

  • I think you should talk with her. It doesn't matter if you are living under her roof or not they are your children not hers and she has to respect the fact that you are the parent and you have the final say. I think you should address it in a way that honors her as the grandparent and lets her know that you appreciate her input with your kids but that you need to be the one who makes the decisions regarding your children. She needs to know that if they are listening to her instead of you, it will undermind your authority as the parent. When you do move out, it will be incrediably hard for you to have any authority in your own house.
    2kidsandtired

    Answer by 2kidsandtired at 1:25 AM on Oct. 27, 2010

  • I would just talk with her.
    mom2queenie2004

    Answer by mom2queenie2004 at 10:16 AM on Oct. 27, 2010

  • Just let her know how you feel, remember that she loves you and the kids and is just trying to help. She probably does not mean it and only wants to do what she feels is best for all of you,
    jshimmy

    Answer by jshimmy at 11:37 AM on Oct. 27, 2010

  • It sounds to me like she is just trying to help, and it sounds like you are feeling like your not doing your job as a parent. Things must be tough if your family had to move back in with your parents, and you may be feeling bad about that too. Lighten up a bit and appreciate the help she's giving you. Also, talk to your mom about your feeling, not when you're feeling upset, but at a calm time. I doubt she realizes how you are feeling.
    SweetLuci

    Answer by SweetLuci at 11:39 AM on Oct. 27, 2010

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