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Any advice for a stressed, worried mom?

When my 2 yr old daughter goes to her father's, she ends up fighting with her 7yr old stepsister, who should know better than to hit a 2yr old. Her father lacks authority and his wife is no better. Honestly, she leaves with her children (7yr old and newborn) every weekend to her parents, so they can watch the kids, she never displines her 7yr and lets her throw clothes across the living room and watch tv in her room til she falls asleep around midnight (my 2 yr sleeps in that room so this really pisses me off) and she has openly admitted to getting fired so she could collect unemployment and not work. I repeatedly voice my concerns for my daughters welfare to her father, but he would prefer to be lazy rather than proactive in this situation. He and I have fought many times about this, but I can't stop him from seeing her. I don't know what to do. I really get worried when she goes there, but do not want to go to court. Help

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DYNARAH

Asked by DYNARAH at 2:02 AM on Oct. 27, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 7 (168 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • Drop her off over there and bring dinner. Hang out a couple of hours and see what goes on. Address exactly what happened with her dad.
    adelinasmommy

    Answer by adelinasmommy at 2:05 AM on Oct. 27, 2010

  • that is if anything happens
    adelinasmommy

    Answer by adelinasmommy at 2:05 AM on Oct. 27, 2010

  • Thank you. He suggested I have dinner there one day, but I feel my presence would alter the whole situation. Plus I would feel trapped in his apartment with his wife and kids. I will try though for my daughters sake. Thank you again.
    DYNARAH

    Comment by DYNARAH (original poster) at 2:24 AM on Oct. 27, 2010

  • Why wouldn't you want to go to court? If you think things are unsafe that is exactly where you should be.
    mom2queenie2004

    Answer by mom2queenie2004 at 10:12 AM on Oct. 27, 2010

  • Staying up that late is not healthy, I would ask a lawyer what your options are.
    salexander

    Answer by salexander at 10:24 AM on Oct. 27, 2010

  • If you are worried about your daughter's safety and well being, then it's something that needs to be address now. I understand that you may not want to go to court, but if he's not willing to step up and care for her properly while she is with him, it may be something you need to consider. At this point I would document everything that happens while she is over there...dates, times, specifics in case you need that information in the future.

    Also, I agree with the 1st poster. It might be a good idea to go over and have dinner and hang out for a little bit. I'm sure the situation may be a different, but you may get a feel of what happens when you are not there. Good luck!
    MomToLilAngel

    Answer by MomToLilAngel at 10:29 AM on Oct. 27, 2010

  • Thank you everyone. I have documented his actions. When I stress my concerns, he seems for change for maybe a week, then slips back to normal. I have refused to let him see her and on occasion made him come here to see her. When I planned on moving to NJ to be near my family, he took me to court and tried getting a no relocation order for me daughter. Since neither of us makes much we had to go through the assistance side of court, in which all applicants are put together while a judge read all our stories out loud and berated everyone calling them all childish idiots. After that you have to go to mediation and another two judges. I don't want to experience that ever again.
    DYNARAH

    Comment by DYNARAH (original poster) at 10:45 AM on Oct. 27, 2010

  • His house, his rules. Your house, your rules. Let it go unless your child is in true danger. Neglected and abused is one thing. Sibling rivalry and disliking the new wife...that's another.
    BluDog

    Answer by BluDog at 11:07 AM on Oct. 27, 2010

  • I don't see why they can't turn the tv off while she's there. The hitting should stop immediately. If it doesn't, head to court. No matter how unpleasant it is for you, this is for her...not you. You might be able to live with it but she shouldn't have to. She doesn't have a choice in the matter.
    DivaDynamite

    Answer by DivaDynamite at 12:00 PM on Oct. 27, 2010

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