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How to forgive some one who hurt you really badly?

My dh has done something that has made me not trust him much...I'm not going into details. How do I forgive and forget? I thought I had let it go, but he brought it up last night (after a year!) and now I'm hurt all over again. Also, how can I learn to trust again?

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Asked by Anonymous at 9:55 AM on Oct. 27, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (14)
  • If you are talking about being unfaithful, I can't forgive such a betrayal, I can forget but never forgive this, so for me it would be a deal breaker, it will always be a wedge in the relationship, if there is no trust there is no hope for any relationship.

    Answer by older at 9:57 AM on Oct. 27, 2010

  • Healing takes time.....sometimes a lot of time. It depends on what he did, if it was a onetime thing, and if he stopped entirely. Once you break someone's trust, it can take a very long time to earn it back. Part of the healing will be in how he handles your lack of trust. If he takes responsibility for it, and sees that it could take him a long time to earn it back, it will make it a little easier for you to forgive. (at least in my experience) if he gets frustrated and thinks because whatever he did is over you should just trust him, then it may be harder to rebuild that trust.

    Good Luck!

    Answer by ohwrite at 9:59 AM on Oct. 27, 2010

  • When pain is that deep sometimes you can't forgive people, but I highly suggest seeing a therapist or marriage counselor if you want to seek forgiveness.

    Answer by Namaste17 at 10:06 AM on Oct. 27, 2010

  • Everyone can forgive, with forgiveness, comes healing. If you can't forgive, then YOU CAN'T MOVE PAST IT! You will never be able to forget though. No matter what anyone says, it will still be with you, especially if he brings it up.

    Answer by knicole0708 at 10:17 AM on Oct. 27, 2010

  • They say time heals all wounds but sometimes it takes love and courage, too. I'm working through a similar issue and I hope to find tge strength to forgive and forget. It's hard, sister. I feel you.

    Answer by BluDog at 10:51 AM on Oct. 27, 2010

  • You have to decide whether the two of you want the marriage to last. Then you have to choose to forgive. Sometimes you will have to choose to forgive several times. If you need to do something symbolic to help you get over it, write down the hurt and all your feelings about what happened. Then burn it. It takes time to get over a deep hurt but you can do it. Good luck!

    Answer by duckigrrl at 10:57 AM on Oct. 27, 2010

  • you will never forget , it will always be there , it all comes down to taking care of youself and acting in your own best interest-and any kids involved , i have FORGIVEN many things -- and im here to tell you most people take your forgivness as a ticket to keep doin things to be forgiven for once again ,there is no trust after it has been committed and then broken by their actions -i am a very strong person and i know being that you cant be with your so 24--7 the wondering will always be there , you can forgive all you want that dont change the actions of another person , i think forgiving someone is for healing of the person that is HURT - its to make you feel better not him , figure out what forgiving someone means to you not anyone else , stand tall , and this isnt about making him feel better its about you feeling better.
    ' learning to trust ' is fuetile- you know because not everyone is TRUSTWORTHY. Be strong.

    Answer by letstalk747 at 11:35 AM on Oct. 27, 2010

  • It will never be the same unless you truly find peace and forgiveness. Deep down in your heart, it takes time sometimes even a life time depending on how big he cut Ne wounded you.. but keep moving forward.

    Answer by way2cute at 12:11 PM on Oct. 27, 2010

  • For me, it really depends of the offense. If he's cheating, it's unforgivable since my trust would be broken. If he lied about something stupid, then we would have to talk it out.
    It does feel better to let stuff go...if you can. If you dwell on it it just causes so many problems. Can you actually forgive and move on? That 's what YOU have to be able to answer, none of us really can for ya. Be true to yourself and be strong.

    Answer by michelle121003 at 3:21 PM on Oct. 27, 2010

  • you can forgive, but never forget. i've seen girls hold onto things their dh/so did in the past, and it ruined their relationships. you either learn to live with it, accept him, and move on....and if that's not possible than realize that maybe it's an indicator of you're relationship and where it is or isn't going. does who he is and how he is now make up for what he did? if it's something like cheating or abuse, i'd never forgive/forget- just leave. if it's something else, than you have to think real hard about how holding onto the hurt and emotions will affect you and the relationship...

    Answer by lexi8622 at 4:02 PM on Oct. 27, 2010

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