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My daughter has self control issues, suggestions?

My sister (she's 32) and I live together and she's getting quite frustrated with me. My sister buys snacks and candy for herself and my daughter won't quit eating them. She doesn't just have a little either, she eats the whole thing.

When she does that, I make her apologize and use her own money to replace whatever she's taken, but it doesn't seem to help. I've asked my sister to put things away that she wants to keep safe, but she says she shouldn't have to do that in her own house.

My sister doesn't think my punishment is harsh enough because I don't want to scream at her and ground her for a week.

These kinds of arguments are prevalent in my house, and it's tearing us apart. My daughter and I are going to get our own place in June, but I just don't know what to do until then.

Any guidance would be appreciated.

Answer Question

Asked by webgirl8369 at 10:06 AM on Oct. 27, 2010 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 4 (53 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • Revocation of priveleges. You've got to get ahold of some sort of punishment, other than just having her "pay" for them. Maybe then take her to buy her own?

    Had this problem with the milk and cereal when BIL was living with us, only he didn't replace them. Finally had to ask him to leave. Your daughter is still young enough to get a hold of her compulsions, she may need some encouragement or some hyper-focusing counseling. If she can't control herself over snacks at this age, how will she ever control herself over peer pressure and or drugs later on?

    Answer by matobe at 10:10 AM on Oct. 27, 2010

  • Wow there is a child in the hosue your sister should understand that and put stuff up. That would be like saying that it is your kids fault when they were 2 and got ahold of a knife because she didnt put it away....would that not be her problem as well? I think your sister is just being selfish. There is nothing wrong with your DD. She likes junk food...every kid does. I dont think it is something she should be punished for. But to cut down on it I would say to try and put the snacks in small bags and she can only have one a day. Good Luck.

    Answer by Shelii at 10:12 AM on Oct. 27, 2010

  • you dont have to ground her for that long but you could take away a privalge that she enjoys.....and show her how it feels to be deprived of something.......the other i would sugest is getting her her own snacks and showing her how to portion them out.....

    Answer by cara124 at 10:14 AM on Oct. 27, 2010

  • I do think your sister-in-law is wrong for wanting you to punish your child rather than help by putting things away....but I also understand that you cannot control that....I think you are doing the right thing with your child in the situation you are in.....I would be more concerned, though, about my child's lack of self-control with junk food because that can lead to over-eating and health issues....I would buy her own, and help her learn self-discipline through portion control.....take that approach rather than shaming her....

    Answer by Anna92464 at 10:22 AM on Oct. 27, 2010

  • well, at this point, i would have to say, if your sister is buying this stuff, and your daughter is taking it without asking.... this is pretty much stealing. i would be grounding my children... but thats just me.

    Answer by gracefulsky at 10:27 AM on Oct. 27, 2010

  • Why would this be considered shaming her? She has been asked to stop, and sister is right by not having to hide her own food in her own house. Even my 7 yr old nephew knows that if something doesn't belong to him, he is to ask before he takes it. She's been asked to stop, and by taking it anyway, she's continuing to take things that don't belong to her, that she is not welcomed to without asking. Which, by definition, is stealing. Stealing should be reprimanded.

    Answer by matobe at 10:30 AM on Oct. 27, 2010

  • Suck it up and ground her. Also, tell your sister that if she has sweets that she doesn't want your daughter getting into, have her keep them in her room. Help her find a min-fridge for her room to keep refrigerated treats.

    The next time your daughter takes your sister's stuff, start taking away your daughter's things. Eventually, she won't have anything left. Take away her phone, her computer, her games, her clothes, etc. Once she realizes that it's not nice to take other people's things, she may come around. Be stern with her. Ground her.

    Answer by _Tam_ at 4:33 PM on Oct. 30, 2010

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